The Sorrow in His Eyes: Regretful Husband

Chapter 8

-Adam's POV-

"Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN, DAMN DAMN!"

I don't know how many times I repeated these words in my head. My life now is in deep shi*!

"Shit Shi* Shi* Shi* Shi*!" I keep repeating out loud.

I don't know what to do. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Right now, I am pulling at my hair in desperation, while repeating all the swearing I can remember, staring blindly to my house's front door, better said, to my wife's front door, from where I was just kicked out once again!

"Holy hell! Damn!" I couldn't stop swearing and muttering desperately.

This is the third Monday I've been with Sophie. The third Monday trying to solve the most messed up of all the messed up situations I've ever created for myself. And it's been a mess. A totally complete mess!

I AM A MESSED UP son of a bitc*.

"Shit shi* shi* shi*!"

The neighbors were sure having a good show because I was passing back and forth like a madman, from the front door to my car, and so on, repeatedly.

I've messed up royally and can't even start to make things right for my wife. The woman I've let down so badly. I just couldn't be man enough to take good care of the woman who gave me everything.

DAAMN! You have messed up ADAM! You fuc***! God, help me. I am A MESSED son of a bitc*!

"Sophie," I whisper to myself. "Babe, don't give up on me. I am begging you, don't give up on me. Give me a chance, Sophie, please. Give me a chance." I keep repeating, like doing a prayer - Please, babe, don't give up on me. Babe, please!

I stay outside for another hour and my Sophie just ignored my ass, like she's been doing all these past weeks.

I hate myself at this moment. I HATE ALL the choices I've made. But I don't seem to be able to explain things to Sophie, in a way she understands.

After some more swearing, I decided to leave and head for the place where I was staying, a minuscule apartment I'd rented just temporarily when I'd made the worst decision of my entire life. How can a man go so low in life like this, I can't even understand. But it's my new life now. The life of a man with a death sentence on his head.

Sophie is divorcing me. Sophie is DIVORCING ME!

I enter my car and in a rampant of rage and frustration, I start to punch the steering wheel like it will do me any good. But I am not able to control myself! How I am going to make up for her?

HOW?! This is messed up! After some minutes, I drive to my place, enter the living room, sit down and put my head in my hands... and start to cry. I am a beaten-up man. A man that let some shi*heads from work talk shi* to him. A man who let his mind wonder to terrible places and possibilities. A man who was so coward that he couldn't talk to his wife about the horrible things that were happening inside himself.

Who I am going to blame? WHO??!

The tears kept flowing down my face but I knew they didn't mean anything to Sophie. I've hurt her so much, so much, I don't deserve her forgiveness, I know I don't deserve this woman.

But I can do better. I can do better. I will do better. I am not letting my family, my woman down again!

"Sophie, don't give up on me. I am begging you, I am begging babe, please... Sophie... Sophie." I whisper over and over again.

After everything went down, I barely slept or ate. I am worn out but, every time I sleep I have these terrible nightmares.

With Sophie leaving me. I think I pass out for a few hours, but then, I wake up with a startle, having had yet another bad dream.