The Sorrow in His Eyes: Regretful Husband

Chapter 10

-Adam's POV-

"You are stinking."

James' voice echoed in my living room and his words' truthfulness didn't bother me as much as he thought it would.

I am seated on the ground, shirtless, wearing an old pair of sweatpants, resting my back on the couch, while reading some articles about how to undo a major fuck up, even if you are an asshole of the first order. James is seated on the couch, calmly sipping some tea while giving me hell in the meantime.

He came to my house without announcing, affirming it was his day to do a good deed and that I would be the one receiving the damn good deed, even if I didn't want it.

"You know," he continues. "It will do you no good to stay home feeling sorry for yourself, growing a beard and smelling like old pizza."

"James, I don't need you giving me shit right now! I am trying to think." I answered him impatiently, concentrating on the words in front of me.

"You are wrong." He answers with a firm voice. "You need all the criticism I have in storage for you. You need to hear over and over again how dumb you acted, so maybe you are never going to do this to my sister again. A woman like Sophie, who remained by your side in every situation, raised your kids, and stayed home, all this with pure happiness, doesn't deserve this. She never should have experienced this. But now that it happened, you need to hear how an imbecile you were, continually. Got me?"

He was right of course, so I just answered. "Yes."

"Good," he agreed. "Now, back to the deed. What are you planning to do now? Sophie already told you what she expects from you."

"Look, I am trying to find out how to prove myself to her, okay?" I say to him, putting the notebook aside and pacing frustrating hands through my hair. "I don't want to fuc*** this up again, I don't want to make a bad decision and to have Sophie even more mad at me. I did some research, and some thinking and have been writing a bit about my fuc*** ups and how not to do this ever again. But the more I read, the more ashamed I am by the end of the day, James. It's bad man, it's bad.... Looking at the man I've become this past year, I am more disgusted by the minute. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore."

I pause, taking deep breaths, controlling my feelings, and continue:

"In a way, I did cheat. I did cheat in my mind, with my thoughts, with my plans. I cheated not only my wife but also my kids. I almost took from them, without explanation, the happy family we had. Now they are confused and insecure. I was thinking just about me, like no one but me mattered. How many things I've damaged, James? I did cheat acting like this, and I didn't even realize it till recently. Man... I am a fuck up." I finalize with a whisper, almost starting to bawl in front of James.

"That you are." James agrees with me.

"James, I don't need your shit....!"

"Okay, enough of this," James interrupted me putting his cup on the side table. "Sophie is not giving up on you just yet so there is still hope I guess. Tell me what you are going to do to show her you regret your actions and compromise to be a better man. And if I hear something about buying any jewelry, I am going to lose it, right here and now!"

Okay... It's better not to mention the three Tiffany's boxes I already have bought for her, then...

"I am all ears. Don't make me waste more of my time with you." James says giving me a business stare "Start talking."

"Well... You know, I was looking for a place to visit... you know..." I swallow, a little ashamed to need this kind of help. "To do some counseling." I finalize, looking at him and waiting for confirmation.