Hallucinations [HxH story]

9- Hopelessness and Hope

Gon's Pov

I walk into the city to start heading to my apartment, still feeling like hurling up whatever was left in my stomach. It honestly felt really disgusting. I looked back on how the reunion ended. I kinda feel bad for leaving them behind but I just had to leave them. I didn't like the way Kurapika kept eyeing me. It was starting to freak me out after awhile. Then there's Leorio. He still acts exactly the same, not much has really changed from him. He's still the kind person he was in the beginning, well, after we got to really know him. 

Snow came falling from the sky. I stopped walking and looked up. 

I took my hand out from my pocket and extended outwards. Bits of snow fell into my hand and soon melted into little droplets. I studied my hand, a part of me wants to believe that the snow is actually falling on my hand. Another part of me wants to ignore it and believed I'm being tricked by my mind again. I can't believe that it's snowing, not after what happened at the restaurant I went to with Alluka and Killua. That was pretty embarrassing. My hand soon after started to burn from how cold it was.

I put my hand back in my pocket and start walking again. I try slipping my way through the crowds of people on the sidewalk. The city isn't usually this full. Maybe it's because Christmas is in a few days. I around as I walk, seeing the different people close to me. There were children, teenagers adults, well, every age was there. Some people carried backpacks, some purses, and some had nothing at all. Someone could have a gun in their bag getting ready to shoot up the city. Another person could have pepper spray and spray it on everybody as a prank. I was starting to feel anxious. More and more ideas kept popping in my head. I wish I could stop them from going in my brain. I start shoving my way through the crowds of people trying to leave the area before anything bad happens. I make it to a less crowded area of the city, the part of the city that isn't so pretty compared to other areas. It's not a bad area, it's just less appealing. 

"It's okay I'm away from them now. Just calm down" I whispered to myself

I pull out my phone and opened up my maps to see how far I am from my apartment. I was about 15 minutes away from there. I look at where I need to go and put away my phone. I start making my way back to the apartment. I felt better now that there wasn't as much people on the sidewalk. Although I still felt eyes on me. I made sure to be aware of my surroundings, occasionally looking around, making sure there wasn't some kind of killer waiting to stab me from behind. I walked to the edge on the sidewalk and wait for the cross walk machine to tell me when to cross. A few minutes later the big red hand changed to a person walking right. I cross the road and I stood for awhile, looking at the white figure walking right. I'm supposed to turn left to go to my apartment but the figure was going right. Am I supposed to go right?

I cross the street and I look up at the figure. If I turn right, then nothing bad will happen to me and it'll take me longer to go to the apartment. If I turn left, something bad could happen. As I was standing there in distress, the figure suddenly had a countdown with a big red hand. I felt shivers going down my spine. I had to hurry up and decide otherwise somethings gonna happen. A million thoughts were going through my head. Soon enough, my thoughts voices started playing in my head. There were maybe 3 at once. One was urging me to run, another was calling me names and telling me to go left and the last one was trying to convince me to turn right and cooperate. I really want them to shut up. My heart was pounding and I felt my hands beginning to shake. I hate this. I want it to stop. I want to grab whatever is inside my mind and get rid of it. The sign started counting down from 10 and I still couldn't choose which path to take. Looking at my options I finally started walking.

Instead of going left or right. I decided to go back. I turn around and crossed the street again going back to where I came from. I felt scared, angry, frustrated. It's just a stupid sign and I can't believe I'm freaking out over it. I know I'm supposed to just cross the road and go about my day but the sign just feels so controlling. It's like its talking to me in some way. As for my thoughts, I hate them. I hate how these thoughts get to me, I hate how I can't control what it says. It's like a stuck song playing in your head and no matter how hard you try, it won't leave. It won't leave you alone or give you any sort of peace. Leaving you not only helpless, but hopeless and as I walked off, they all taunted me.