A Promised Marriage

Chapter fifteen: Rehan's Truth

Rehan's Pov

After she fell asleep, I took her on my lap, I was sitting on her bed and I let her body rest against my chest. Her head was resting on my left shoulder, my left arm was holding her tight around the waist and she was leaning her back on me. My right hand was caressing her left cheek with my thumb and I was kissing her hair. I couldn't believe that she fell asleep. But deep in me, a strange feeling started to wake up. My heart became heavy and I felt so overwhelmed by all of these emotions rather than anger which had disappeared so long ago.

I realized that my heart was pounding so hard I could feel its throb in my entire chest. She was so soft and delicate to touch, I was surprised how I hadn't noticed that before. Her skin was so smooth that any place my fingers caress would have goosebumps, she's so tiny. I couldn't believe the same girl whom I had ignored for months was the one who had made me like this.

But this is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be feeling this way about her. I shouldn't even be near her but I couldn't control myself, I was still caressing her cheek and playing with her hair. It feels so good to be this close to her but this is not right. But I was unable to leave, she was looking so adorable while sleeping. I couldn't leave her at this point. My conscience was killing me inside, but she was so cute that I couldn't leave her. Then a thought crossed my mind and that idea was so absurd I couldn't believe I was thinking of it.

"Maybe just for a minute," the thought whispered in my mind.

One minute....will it be a bad idea to stay with her for just one minute?

"I'll just rest next to her, that's all. Maybe just for a minute" I tried convincing myself that  It wouldn't be so bad if I stayed with her for just a few minutes. Maybe she would not even wake up. I just want to feel her body against me, I want to feel her breath on my neck and her heartbeat pumping hard against me. Just for a minute......

My brain was battling between right and wrong. The wrong thoughts were constantly winning, and I couldn't stop it. I moved her hair behind her ear and the urge to kiss her neck came to me. I could feel my legs moving closer to her body until our bodies were pressed against each other. My heartbeat became faster as she slept so peacefully in my arms.

"Just for a minute... It'll be no harm" I whispered to myself just to justify whatever I was doing.

I came back to my senses. I didn't realize how much time had passed while I was holding her. She was sleeping so deeply, that I didn't feel like waking her up and ruining what it was for her. I slowly moved away from her bed leaving her alone, I closed her room's window and closed the door. I leaned against her door, and then I broke down.

I couldn't believe I had let my hands go that far, I couldn't believe I had let my thoughts control me. I had to stop this madness, I was falling into a deep abyss, and I had to get out of here. I put my fists against the door and screamed,

"What is happening to me? What am I becoming?"

I was so furious with myself. I didn't know what came over me, who had made me this weak. Then suddenly a realization hit me that it wasn't anybody's fault....this was just my fault. I let my emotions and my thoughts go to a place where they shouldn't have been. There were no excuses for me anymore. I was just a person who couldn't control his feelings and emotions. And now it's destroying me from the inside.

I could have hurt her. And that's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I was already a bad person with all I had done, I couldn't be someone who was so weak that they could hurt those who they were supposed to. I hated myself and how I let myself turn like this. I hated myself for being such a coward, for not being strong enough to control myself. And this feeling continued on for days.

I became so consumed with anger inside that I started ignoring her, I hated the very thought of being near her. If I stayed close to her, I might lose control once again and that was something I couldn't allow myself to do. But even with this hatred and ignoring I could not stop a feeling that was forming inside me. It was eating me from the inside, it felt like she was slowly stealing my heart away from me.

I found myself unable to get her off my mind. If I tried closing my eyes, all I saw was her face. It was as if she was haunting my thoughts.

Her sweet face and cute smile, which was filled with vulnerability. All I wanted to do at this point was to protect her and nothing else. But the truth is she needs protection from me.

"SHE DOES NOT EVEN HATE ME AFTER ALL THE SHIT I PUT HER THROUGH!"

That thought kept on repeating in my mind.

She was so innocent, so gullible, she is still kind to me. I'm the one who broke her heart, I'm the one who ruined her, I'm the one whom she trusted the most. All the things she must have gone through because of me, all the pain I've put her through and she still doesn't hate me.

I thought about her sweet face, her adorable smile, her gentle eyes, everything about her felt so pure and innocent that I couldn't believe I was still the same person who broke her.

But I wasn't the same person anymore, now her broken heart had broken me as well. My anger was gone, I couldn't even hate her anymore. All I felt for her that day was regret and guilt. I have done nothing but hurt her and still she didn't hate me. But she has had to hate me for her safety or I could kill her just like I almost killed that man.

☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ๋࣭ ⭑⚝.

So yes Rehan just wants to save Aradhya from himself.

My Rehan Is the greenest flag!

Your author,
Plabita