The Captain and her Roomie

Chapter 23 - Those Thoughts

*tw - mentions of suicide,*

"I just don't know what to do with myself Luce, who's gonna be at my games wearing my shirt cheering me on when I'm at my lowest. Who am I gonna call everyday while I'm away, who's gonna get me like she did"
You said swallowing the lump in the back of your throat
"Us, I know none of us will ever compare to Gabby but we are gonna support you through it all, the highs, the lows, the good and the ugly, all of it"
Lucy replied looking at you softly
"Come on let's go kick a ball in the net and not break our wrists"
She prompted while guiding you out of the gym.

Lucy's POV

Y/n was struggling to process her emotions, she had been like that since I met her but this time something was off but I couldn't figure it out
"Y/n look at the rainbow"
I said pointing at the sky
"Awh Gabbys saying hi, she always told me that when she died she'd be in the sky, or in football of course"
Y/n replied, she looked at the sky contently but didn't smile, it seemed to be a rare sight at the minute. We kicked around the ball for a while, talking about everything but Gabby trying to avoid it until it eventually came up
"I'm struggling Luce, like really struggling"
"I know kiddo, trust me"
"Not just with Gabby, like for the past few years I feel like a completely different person and I can't hide it anymore"
"What do you mean?"
I asked her, still slightly shocked she opened up to me for the first time since she was a teenager
"I've been having those thoughts again Luce, like the past few months, and I can stop them this time"
She stopped kicking the ball and just stood against the fence picking at her skin
"Oh Y/n"
I looked at her and all of a sudden she was the 15 year old girl I met many years ago who tried to take her life so young, but so drained.

Y/n's POV

Lucy looked so upset, not upset at you but upset at the world around you
"I'm sorry Luce"
"No we banned that word years ago"
Lucy said in reply, you made a rule that the word 'sorry' was to be used sparingly and only when necessary in around 2017, she offered you her hand pulling you off the fence
"Cmon I want to talk to you about something"
You followed Lucy to the empty relaxation room and sat you down
"How much would you say Leah loves you?"
"Erm I don't know I guess she loves me at least a little bit"
"How did she ask you out?"
"Well it was on the training pitch while I was crying my eyes out"
"Has she told you how it was meant to go?"
Lucy asked leaving you a bit confused, was Leah not ready but did it because you were upset?
"No?"
"Look at this"
Lucy got a few pictures up on her phone

"She was planning on making it a whole big deal between the two of you, getting you your favourite flowers and a jelly cat teddy, writing you a note on why she thinks your so amazing, she's been head over heels for you for 3 years, when you met at a match and she saw your eyes, the way you played, before you had said a word to each other and now you were whispering sweet nothings to her, she's loved you since you were 19,she was 22"
Lucy said going on about Leahs little obsession with you, you remembered that day, you had looked at her once and instantly thought 'wow', the word you said when you saw that Instagram post over a month ago
"The Leah Williamson liked me when I looked my worst because my suicidal thoughts were in full swing?"
"Yeah, she loves you so much Y/n and so do the rest of us, I know the world is a cruel place but the admiration we have for you hopefully puts a bit of life into it"
Lucy replied putting a hand on your knee
"Now I think we both have very impatient girlfriends next door my phones going mad"
"That is why we put it in do not disturb Lucy Bronze"
You replied raising your eyebrows
"Shush"
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Bit of a short one today but I might post again later it depends how much I can get writen, I might be able to get a bit more out cause its half term