Something Better

Castles In The Sky Sit Stranded, Vandalised

Brandon looked down on the Atlantic Ocean spreading out like wrinkled navy silk. He felt as cold as the sea below him, but at least his heart was distracting him from his usual fear of flying. His mind kept going over the goodbye scene with Martha at the airport only a few hours ago. He knew he had been petulant and childish, but he didn't know how to deal with what was happening. He felt numb, even when Martha got really upset and cried, holding on to his shirt cuff, he couldn't really feel, it was like an out of body experience.

"It's only for two weeks," Martha had whispered as they hugged goodbye.

"I know, I'll text you when I'm home, ok?" Brandon answered as he broke out of her hold and bent to get his bag. Martha's face was tear stained when he stood straight. He wiped her cheek with his free thumb his other hand holding and adjusting his bag strap. Martha closed her eyes and leant into his touch, holding on to the cuff of his shirt. She held fast when he dropped his arm and moved to go.

"I love you," she said through her tears, when he looked back, at her holding his outstretched arm.

"Me too," was all he could bring himself to say.

The whites of Martha's eyes were red, making her green irises stand out. She released his shirt and he walked over to the others who were waiting to get on the plane. He looked back, saluted and walked through the gate.

"That was rough, man," Ronnie said following behind Brandon on the walkway, "She fell to pieces when you walked through the door."

Brandon still was unfeeling.

"Brandon?...Brandon?" Ronnie had to call his name to get his attention, "Do you want some food?" He continued gesturing to the perfectly groomed cabin crew member who was smiling patiently.

"Oh, sorry, no thanks," Brandon said apologetically, giving Ronnie a tiny smile.

"Why are you making a big deal out of this?" Ronnie said shaking his head, tucking into his breakfast, "I mean I don't see Lisa for months sometimes and you're acting like you and Martha have broken up or something, because you won't see her for a fortnight!"

"We're supposed to be in Italy right now, together," Brandon said, aware that he was whining.

"It was your idea that she went this week!" Ronnie said, spitting flecks of scrambled egg in annoyance.

"I know, but she didn't say no, she just went ahead and booked it all, quick as you like," Brandon answered, staring out the window.

"You blow my fucking mind, do you know that?" Ronnie said through a mouthful of coffee, "You told her to go and you told her you wanted to go back to Vegas, making it sound like you didn't want to stay in Italy with her in the first place and now you're pushing her away because she wanted to take up this amazing opportunity!"

"I didn't want to seem like a dick," Brandon said suddenly realising he had been totally selfish in the way he had treated Martha.

"Yeah?" Ronnie looked at Brandon with amazement, "How's that working out for you?"

"I feel like maybe I'm not enough for her, I mean what if they ask her to stay?" Brandon said, panic rising in his stomach, "She'll be in Italy, while I'm in Vegas or on tour, it just seems doomed,"

"You are basing this on the fact that Martha has decided to stay in Italy?" Ronnie said leaning back to allow his breakfast plate to be taken away, "You do know you have made all that shit up, right?"

"I know I have, but I know I want more with her, but maybe it's not what she wants, I can't ask her to give up dream, when I know she would never ask me to stop what we're doing," Brandon rubbed his jaw stressfully, "Does that make sense?" He asked searching Ronnie's face.