Something Better

I'm Pushing on for that Horizon

"Are you fucking crazy?!" Lauren almost shouted down the phone when Martha told her about her plans to move to Las Vegas.

"I know it seems rash" Martha started to say...

"Rash? Rash? It's mad and it's not like you to give up so quickly. Don't you want to stay in New York for a little longer? Wait until I come over and then see how you feel?" Lauren said in an exasperated voice.

"This feels right to me, I've made a friend and he's going to be in Vegas now and I've no permanent job here and I've never really felt settled. I don't want to regret this, I want to go to Las veags and you never know I might meet Brandon Flowers!" Martha said jokingly, trying to lighten the phone call.

"Oh my God, you've lost it! You've no permanent job out there either and where are you going to live? What if you don't feel settled there? Will you just pick another state and go there?" Lauren was shouting now and Martha could feel her temper rising.

"I'm going to stay with Charles and his boyfriend Martin until I get my own place and I know I'll get some kind of job, if they don't want me in the circus. I know I'll feel better there, because I'll know Charles and Martin and even if I don't like it it's my choice. This is my life. Even my mum was more understanding about this when I told her and that is saying something!" Martha had tried to stay calm, but her emotions were taking over.

Lauren went quiet and then shouted, "You are right. It is your life, so off you go to Las Vegas and join the fucking circus!"

The line went dead.

Martha's anger had built and then was gone. She sat down on her bed and breathed out. She felt exhausted, exhausted with it all. She knew Lauren was concerned and would come round eventually, especially when she was getting married to Brandon Flowers. Martha laughed at her last thought as she got herself ready for bed. She still felt Las Vegas was the right choice and that was something as Lauren had a bit of influence over Martha. She would have normally felt upset about the whole argument and would have called her back straight away to apologize even though she hadn't done anything. She felt stronger than she had before  even when she was married and settled. Martha grabbed her ipod and got into bed. She turned off the light and put her ear phones in. She hit shuffle on The Killers and relaxed as she heard the soft beginning of "Read My Mind". She drifted off to sleep easily.

Martha was driving, driving through the streets of her old housing estate. She could see the blurred orange and yellow lights from the windows of houses through the windscreen. She was driving in swirls, going round and round roundabouts. Finally she came to her own semi detached house - it was in total darkness but there were cars parked all around the driveway. She gets out the car and walks towards the front door. She can see her own hand on the wood and then the handle. The handle moves down with the same familiar noise as it sticks half way. Martha pushes the door and is panicked and afraid when she sees shawdows flying across the walls like deamons scattering. She feels for the lightswitch, but her hand can't find it. The fear is building as she makes her way up the stairs. almost at the top, she can see through the bannister rails straight into the bedroom. Figures and limbs are moving on the bed, but her vision seems foggy. She reaches the top landing and stands at the doorway, peering in through the fog. Two people having sex on the bed, but they seem like strangers to her, in her own house. The figures know she is there and then a face jumps into her face so violently.

Martha jolted awake, her heart racing, sweat running down her spine. She put her side lamp on and checked the time - 5.15. She held her head in her hands. She hadn't had that dream since she left Scotland. She got up and went to the bathroom and decided just to get up and not to go back to sleep. She showered and dressed quickly, still feeling the effects of her dream. She made her way into her living room and turned on the T.V. She continued into her tiny kitchen and made some tea and toast. She was sipping her tea and waiting for the toast to pop, when she heard the name, "Brandon Flowers" from the T.V. She slid across the floor in her slippers and turned up the volume on the remote. There he was on the screen, photographers flashing their cameras at him and his model girlfriend, Sophie, at some film premiere. They both looked so beautiful and in love as he had his hand around her waist as they smiled for the cameras.

"An official statement from both parties said their split was amicable and blamed it on the pressures of upcoming work committments." The T.V presenter said over the video of the couple.

Martha felt a pang of saddness as the presenters face took over the screen. "Even the rich and famous get their hearts broken I suppose." Martha said aloud as she switched the T.V off. Suddenly the smoke alarm was screaming and she realised she had burned her toast.