Something Better

This is Your Life

Martha had never felt more alone. It was pouring with rain when the yellow cab dropped her at her new apartment. Her suitcase seemed to have a life of its own and kept tipping over on one wheel causing Martha to get tangled and agitated as she tried to get her bearings. Her keys had already been mailed to her and she took a deep breath as she pulled them out of the brown envelope.

Once she was inside her new building, she took a few minutes to check her little sliver mail box- empty.

She finally found her new door on the fourth floor. Once inside her new home, she locked the door, feeling a sudden panic. She breathed out an anxious moan, put her forehead on the bolted door and thought,
"What the fuck have I done?!"

She made her way to the window and looked down on to the rain sodden street below. Her tears reflected the raindrops dripping down her face. Her sorrowful thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing in her hand bag- her ringtone, 'Sam's Town' by The Killers, was loud in the quiet apartment and she smiled to herself when she Lauren's name on her screen.
"Hello." Martha said trying to sound as happy as she could.
"Hey, are you ok? Have you been crying?" Lauren said knowingly.
"No!" Martha lied, "I'm just tired after the long journey. That's me just made it to my apartment."
"Ok, what's it like?" Lauren said excitedly - Martha wished Lauren was with her, it made her feel more alone.
"Well, it's fucking raining for a start!" Martha laughed, "I could be in Scotland!"
"But you're not, you're in NYC baby!" Lauren said loudly in a fake American accent. Martha knew she trying to cheer her up and she loved her for it.
"The apartment seems ok, I've
not really looked round yet. Stay with me and I'll give you a tour!" Martha giggled.
"Tell me everything you see and send me a photo later!" Lauren said excitedly.
Martha wandered around the flat and described the rooms and the basic furniture. She lied that she milk and bread, but she had truthfully forgotten that she would need food. She would need to manage until the morning, she was too tired to eat anyway.
It didn't take long to get around the place because it was pretty small. She stopped in front of the mirror. A tired blotchy face looked back, her green eyes stood out against their red teary background.
"God, I look terrible!" Martha moaned as she tried to fix her untidy travel worn brown hair.
"Well, a ten hour flight and being eight hours behind what you're used to isn't gonna make you look your best!" Lauren said a little sassily,
"I know, you're still a goddess though!" Lauren laughed sensing her friend was vulnerable.
Martha relaxed and felt a little flutter of excitement as she and Lauren chatted about Lauren coming over for a visit in a few months. Martha wanted it to be sooner. She knew Lauren was trying hard to seem positive about her apartment, but there was no getting away from the fact it was tiny and a bit dingy.
"It's not exactly the apartment from 'Friends', but it's a start." Martha said in a chirpy voice.
"Yeah, and soon you'll have lots of cool New York friends or maybe something more..." Lauren said dramatically.
It had been almost a year since Martha and her husband, Lee, had split. The divorce was almost official and little hints of pressure to find someone new were starting to creep into conversations with her mother and now Lauren. Martha gazed at her wedding ring finger. There was still a tiny change in the skin colour where her ring used to be be. Married at twenty and divorced at twenty six, it all seemed like another life.
"Well, you never know!" Martha said with a fake smile. She could feel the tears building up and silently prayed she could hold it together while she was talking to Lauren.
"I'm tired, and I better text my mum before I get an annoyed phone call. I'll feel better after a good sleep. I'll call you tomorrow." Martha said, trying to wrap it up.
"Ok, I'll speak to you later then, take care" Lauren said cheerfully, but
Martha had cut the call quickly. She lay down on her new bed. She quickly sent her mum a message to say she had arrived safely and then turned the phone off. She gave into the wave of emotion that was taking her over and sobbed into the pillow. Eventually she fell asleep and awoke the next morning in the same spot still.