Something Better

Santa's Got A Bullet In His Gun You Know It

Brandon kissed Lisa on the cheek,

"Thank you for dinner and thanks for a lovely night," He smiled and turned to see Martha disappearing into a Ronnie bear hug special.

"Thanks for coming, you know he loves you," Lisa answer laughing at Ronnie who was practically smothering a near hysterical Martha.

"Let her go Ron," Brandon laughed, "You know I'm the jealous type," He said patting Ronnie on the shoulder.

Ronnie released Martha and almost wrestled Brandon, who laughed and giggled.

"Thanks so much, Lisa," Martha said hugging her in a much more socially acceptable way.

"It's been nice to finally meet you, Brandon talks about you a lot!" Lisa whispered.

Martha smiled and tried to fix the damage Ronnie's hug had done to her hair. The night couldn't have gone better, the food was lovely and the four of them chatted easily. They had laughed and joked. However, Martha felt as though she was behind a screen. She could see all the things that looked like a possible relationship forming with Brandon, but she couldn't touch it or feel it. He only had to look at her a certain way and she would blush and he had whispered in her ear that she looked lovely, but he never made a move on her, she felt a little confused.

"You ready?" Brandon asked her, snapping her out of her thought process.

"Sure!" She smiled, but she knew she didn't hide her feelings well.

They said their final goodbyes and waved to Ronnie and Lisa as Brandon drove out of the long driveway and on to the road.

"Is everything ok?" Brandon asked softly as they drove through the dark.

"Yeah, just a little tired," Martha lied, "I think that last glass of wine tipped me over the edge," She smiled as she looked out at the approaching neon lights of the Las Vegas strip.

"It was a good night wasn't it?" Brandon asked, his voice still sounded unsure.

"Oh yeah, I had a great time, they are such a lovely couple, Ronnie and Lisa, I felt so welcome." Martha gazed out at the lights, she had never felt annoyed with Brandon, but she could feel the frustration growing inside her. Before, when she was married, she had stuffed down any frustrations, so that she wouldn't rock the boat with Lee. She could feel the alcohol in her system and she was starting to feel pissed off.

"You were a hit!" Brandon smiled, "Not that I ever doubted that," Brandon continued as he drove into their street.

"Yeah, I'm just a gem!" Martha said sarcastically as Brandon pulled up outside her house.

Brandon cut the engine and looked at her with an anxious look in his eyes.

"Martha, I know this is difficult and you must be confused," Brandon began to say...

"You are right," interrupted Martha, "I am confused! You seek me out, you buy me a record player and invite me out to a couple's Christmas dinner, but I never know what you feel about me or what you want 'this' to be," Martha said , trying to fight back the tears.

"Hey," Brandon said gently, "I'm sorry, Martha," Brandon continued.

"It's OK," Martha said, the tears began to fall, splashing on to her Christmas jumper.

"Hey, come on, don't cry," Brandon said as he stroked away Martha's tears with his thumb.

Martha looked into Brandon's eyes as she felt the sparks fly from the physical contact. He held her gaze and his hand on her cheek.

"Can we go inside?" Brandon asked, breaking eye contact and moving his hand to his lap.

"I don't know, Brandon," Martha said as she began wiping under her eyes, although she knew her mascara was already running down her face. "Maybe we should take some time, I think you need to think about what you want."

"I know what I want," Brandon said with a little annoyance, "I just need time, but I can't seem to stay away from you, I think about you all the time and I long to kiss you and well, you know, but I don't want to fuck it up, because I was hurt before, but I don't know if I could handle loosing you." Brandon's eyes darkened as he gripped on the steering wheel.

Martha reached out her hand and wrapped her fingers around his, "I know how a broken heart feels," Martha said, "This can't happen until it's right or we only have hurt ahead." Martha took a deep breath and moved her hand, "It's not what we want it's what we need right now." Her throat tightened with tears and pain as she opened the door to the truck, got out and closed the door.

"I'm going to London," Brandon called out, standing at the truck door, "As soon as I'm back from Utah, I'm going to London for a month maybe two to meet with a new producer," Brandon stood perfectly still looking at Martha.

"Well maybe this is the time we need," Martha answered, as she opened the door to her house and stepped inside. Once she closed the door, she sank to the floor and let the familiar feeling of loss and emptiness take her over. She didn't move, she stayed long after she heard Brandon start his truck engine and drive away.