chapter twenty.

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• JEALOUS - EYEDRESS

☠︎︎

. . .

I never really knew my father.

Well, the only core memories of getting hit with a belt or watching him punch my mum for the first time. I was hiding under my bed, and it took three hours to come out with Seb's re-assurance.

"I thought you had another few years."

"Can you just act happy to fuckin' see your own dad? Fuck, last time I saw you, you were running around in nothing but panties." He leaned back, looking me up and down with a satisfied expression on his face.. "Look at you now."

The love of a father was all I wanted. But I knew I'd never get it with him. I never hated him either, but I wanted him to be normal. I wish he could be my dad, or at least pretend to be.

"I was five." I mumbled, shifting as I watched Seb come downstairs. He grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him. "Go upstairs." He panted, his nostrils flared and his eyes wide with anger. He pushed me up, shouting at my father, who smashed the beer bottle and immediately started to throw him around.

My bedroom door clicked shut, and I immediately sat against it. The thuds and pacts came from downstairs, the shouts in Greek echoing in my mind.

I couldn't even remember how to say a sentence in my own language.

I barely even knew my own father because all he did was abuse us and our mother.

Look how her life turned out. She couldn't even look at Seb because he looked so much like him. She'd break down and scream at him, hit his chest while he just stood there wondering what he did wrong.

Our dad is what made home feel like a house. But yet alone, this place was never a home.

I was seven, and the last time I saw him was in the visitation room, when he threatened to, his words, fuck me with the glock under his bed and pull the trigger.

He said that to my face, and I remember looking at Seb, who was just blankly staring at him.

What does a girl have to do to escape home? There was one answer to that, and it worked. It was everything I never had.

Meth.

I slowly stood up, grabbed out my kit, and slumped onto my bed with a miserable look on my face. My expression faltered at the dried blood on my arm as I pulled off the bandana on my arm, only seeing it just now. It was Tom's.

☠︎︎ 𝚃𝙾𝙼'𝚂 𝙿𝙾𝚅

"Dunno, I'm just.. worried about Mandy. I thought she was fucking dead." I mumbled, looking at Bill. "She was so pale, and cold.. not in personallity, I mean she was fucking freezing, like ice! not like when I first met her."

"Did you confront her?" Bill looked down, then at me as he opened the door and headed in.

"I couldn't. She couldn't even blink thats how fucked she was." I sighed, running a hand through my dreads. "Can't deal with this now anyways, we have a concert tomorrow so fucking early, and then we gotta see mum."

Bill nodded in agreement, patting my shoulder and heading into his room. I went into mine, not bothering to undress. I collapsed on my bed, and passed out immediately with exhaustion.




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