chapter fifty-one.

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• COME AS YOU ARE - NIRVANA

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"Hey, Nora, I got some Smack! Do you want any?" I called out to her while I knocked on the door, only to silent chatter inside and a woman peeking out the curtain.

"Hey, Nora, open up!" I said as I knocked again. The door immediately opened, and her parents stood before me. "I'm sorry, but you can't stay here." Her mum instantly said.

I furrowed my eyebrows a little, rubbing the back of my neck and watching as Nora came out, her arms crossed.

"Why are you throwing me out? It hasn't even been a night."

"You sold my parents' wedding rings to buy dope." She said blankly, but there was no true malice in her voice. Just.. disappointment.

I bit my inner lip, glancing at her parents and then at Perrine in the house, too. I knew they weren't wrong for it, but I was just so angry for another thing being my fault.

"Fuck you both then," I mumbled, walking off of their porch.

Now I was back on the streets again.

For a while, I just walked around and smoked. I'd figured hotel rooms were too much at the moment, and apartments weren't an option, either. I was completely strapped for cash now, and no, I wasn't gonna sell my H. I just wished I had a smaller amount.

But It was starting to snow, and my fingertips were bright red and my palms pale. My lips were dry and cold, almost blue.

I stopped by the trash can I'd put Charlie's money in, checking in there and kicking over the bin as rubbish flowed out. I bit back a string of cusses and walked away.

I sat down on the curb, reaching into my bra for a minute before pulling out the small slip of paper the man had given me the other night.

I felt sick even thinking about it. But I couldn't stay in the snow any longer.

I grabbed out my phone and dialled in his number.

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"Smart of you to come here." Raymond said as he guided me into his apartment. I glanced at him, my head going down. "I didn't have anywhere to go." I breathed out, following behind him as he poured two drinks and sat down, patting the spot next to him. I reluctantly sat down, feeling his arm go around me.

"You can stay as long as you'd like, beautiful. You know.. I heard that you little girls always give the best head." He said as he moved some hair away from my face. I looked up at him, then down once he unzipped his fly. "You want to stay, yeah?"

"Yes." I replied quietly.

One, two, and it's over.

He pulled his pants and boxers down, looking at me.

My hand went around him, but he pulled it away and looked me dead in the eye once he'd spit on my palm and guided my hand back there. I stroked it with a poor grip, and my eyes focused on his lap.

"I know it's pretty, baby. But it is not just to look at. Understand me?" He murmured. "I was thinking I could give you some money for new clothes, some other stuff, if you just came back to the club tonight and gave me and my friends some sugar."

I bit my tongue for a moment and nodded a little.

"Good girl." He said, pushing my mouth onto him and keeping a slight grip on my hair.

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I leaned over and spat into the sink, continuing to wash my mouth out while I coughed and spat out any lingering in my mouth.

It burnt my throat. Raymond kicked me when I told him it was burning my throat, and when I puked in the sink. It tasted terrible.

I was drained from what I wanted to say by other words forced in my mouth, and the sore, burning sensation of what felt like nails in my throat topped over with the disgusting dehydrated taste of somebody else's essence in my mouth.

"For you." Raymond said as he slid some money to me.

Five hundred.

I stared at it before immediately taking the cash. "Go into the bathroom and change. You look repulsive at the moment." He said, nudging me forward. I didn't say anything. I just did what he told me to and entered the bathroom with a silent click behind me.

There was red lingerie there, and a micro skirt with red stilettos.

It was one of those faux tiny triangle leather sets with the g-string and bikini top that barely covered you.

I leaned over the counter and looked in the mirror, breathing heavily before I put my head in my hands.

It's only necessary, Mandy.

I grabbed out the smack from my pocket and clipped it open, tipping some onto the back of my hand before snorting it and putting the baggie to the side. I emptied my pockets, stripped my clothes, and dressed in the lingerie. I pulled the skirt up, looking in the mirror while I stepped into stilettos.

"Don't do this."

I looked at Seb in the reflection, then away once the door opened.

Raymond breathed out, shaking his head as he slowly closed the door behind him. My eyebrows slightly furrowed, watching him come forward and pull down the two straps of the lingerie, taking in the sight before him. It almost made him look weak despite the confidence of walking around, fucking prostitutes with a wedding ring on his finger.

He looked the way a lawyer would look if they went down the wrong path. Always wearing an expensive suit, a golden watch that reflected off of light with his hair slicked back. He looked like a fucking fake. Someone who warmed the seat for the ones above them.
He was weak.

But I was weaker.

He moved his hand down to the bottoms, pulling them down and turning off the light before the bathroom flickered to a pit of darkness.

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