It's Just A Dance

Chapter 5

  ~~Ariana~~

Chapter Five

It's Thursday now. I was out all day yesterday doing everything but going to practice.
I got multiple texts from Rubi, three from Maritza, two from Emmerson, and surprise surprise one from Kayden. None from Carson. Not that I was exactly expecting one but honestly ... yeah I was!
After the way he treated me that day that's the least I expected but then again it's Carson who we're talking about expecting an apology from him was like winning a lottery ticket, chances were close to none absolutely none.

I lied to Rubi... I told her I was sick. And the only reason I lied is because I didn't want to tell her I didn't want to be part of her dancing project anymore, I didn't have the heart to... but I knew I had to do it. I just have to find a way to do it.

Maybe a nice basket with cute things is a good enough of a sorry. Or maybe I will talk to Juliette and convince her to get her spot back on the dance and problem solved they won't need Ariana anymore!
But again that was like wishing on a shooting start or seeing the Netherlands lights

I just had to come clean to Rubi and tell her I couldn't do the dance thing. It's so stupid because I'm letting her down over someone like Carson but I seriously can't deal with someone like Carson so I'm protecting my peace. Because ever since I met Carson I forgot how it felt.

There's something about him that I can't quite figure out. Not that I'm trying to because I'll never see him again after this but is that true?
Ever since Carson and I got introduced to each other I find myself looking for him all the time, then I catch myself thinking and overanalyzing every interaction I've had with him and I've seen him around a lot lately ... When I go to bed I can almost see his eyes looking at me when I close my eyes, hear his taunting laugh when I'm all alone in the dark ... feel his touch against my skin when -

Point is, I unlocked Carson's character and now he lives in my head rent free and that was an unsettling feeling.

I don't know this guy neither do I want to get to know him but my head differs from that idea. It's like a disease that attacks your immune system. It shouldn't but for some reason it does knowing it's wrong and it'll ruin you in the long run.

I always hated guys like him. The ones that feel like they are too much for this world, who think you should glorify the ground they walk on and praise them everytime they speak or give you the pleasure to look your way. Carson was all of those things times a hundred.

I never wanted to become on of those woman who died and would give and do everything for a man like that and I wasn't going to become one. I have to get Carson out of my mind and out of my life.

I seriously don't know why I've let this man insert himself like this in my mind and life.

It's pathetic.

Around 1:30 pm I got myself ready to go to the store. If I wanted to get away from Carson I needed to tell Rubi I couldn't be apart of her project. I know my reasoning is beyond stupid but I'm scared of what could happen. I dont want to make a mistake and with Carson close I might. I hate the dude I really do and I doubt I could ever actually like someone like him but he is so sure that I will ... and what if I do?

Opposites attract right? Same as from hate to love you only have to take a step. I am not risking it. Plus Im not the greatest dancer and Rubi is not my bestfriend. I hate to be that person but I am not loosing anything big in this equation.

A basket filled with goodies is more than enough for a sorry for not wanting to go through something I didn't even sign up for in the first place, I was basically forced to do this.