It's Just A Dance

Chapter 14

       ~~Ariana~~
"What did you just say?" my voice is shallow as I am completely taken back by what he just said
Stay, I want to kiss you again
His words stay in my head like lyrics from your favorite song, repeating over and over again each time sounding better than the last time.

Why did he say that? he can't truly mean what he said, yet I hope he did. But he doesn't this is just-

"I want to kiss you again come on let's play, it's my only chance" his hazel eyes go to my lips and back to my eyes as his smile reaches them "It's the only chance I have" his voice is sharp but sweetness my ears and melts me like a chocolate fountain "You won't kiss me if it's not a dare"
I almost laughed because if he only knew how much changed after that kiss. So many things that I can't even begin to explain because it's not normal, and maybe this is just an illusion but I want to get lost in it.
I want to get lost in him, I don't know what it means really... but this is not something you know, it's something you experience, it's something you let yourself go in hoping he will catch you in the end.
But what if he doesn't?
Then it'll hurt but it'll hurt because you felt something and feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all
"Right I wouldn't," I say but by the way, he smiles at me he knows I'm lying
"Come on stay, we can practice just you and I"
"Here? While everyone plays truth or dare?" I roll my eyes but I can't stop smiling the more I look at him. He's so handsome, I would look at him all the time if I could, funny to think about a few weeks ago and how much I hated even looking at him

Can a kiss change things so much? Or is it that I always felt this way about him? I always liked him and my hate for him was the only way I unconsciously found to hide and suppress my feelings for him... well not feelings but liking for him.
"Yeah you're right" He chuckles and looks back at Rubi who has everyone else in a circle chatting away about god knows what but whatever it is must be very interesting because everyone hangs to her every word, everyone except Julian and Ansel who occasionally glance at Carson. I'm not surprised they always have an eye on him. Sometimes I wonder if it's admiration or envy... maybe both "Rubi would make us join that"
I nod "See you around Carson" I raise my hand slightly to wave bye at him because a hug without having hugged Ansel and Julian first feels desperate but he's quick to grab my hand and pull me in his arms.
I close my eyes savoring the moment, this is the stupidest fairytale I could've chosen but it chose me really, and I'd be dumb not to let myself be wrapped up in it.
What am I doing? What happened to all the things I used to think about this man? They're gone, or maybe not so much I'm conscious of what's going on right? I just choose to go along with it because... I'm feeling something and I like what I'm feeling. It's better than feeling nothing at all.
I feel Kayden's eyes burn the back of my skull and that's the only reason why I pull away from Carson

Kayden is the barrier between Carson and me.

"Enjoy your game," I say knowing I don't mean it. I hope he doesn't have to do anything with anyone else, I should stay to make sure... But I don't, It would be pick me of me and I've already had enough moments like that lately, I can't keep digging my own grave.

Plus Kayden is waiting for me at the door, I can't. So I turn around avoiding looking at Kayden because I know the look he's giving me and I don't want to face it so soon
"I won't now that you're leaving" I hear Carson shout before the door closes and I can't help but smile so big it hurts as my heart does the cartwheels I was never able to do with my body
"What the fuck are you doing?" Kayden's tone makes my heart lose concentration midway cartwheel and shatters on the floor
"What do you mean?" my voice is so low it's almost a whisper. I don't want to hear it right now, not from Kayden.
"I didn't think he'd get to you too," he says and I finally look up at him he's so tall I have to straighten my back completely, or perhaps it was his words that forced me to sit up straighter
I didn't think he'd get to you too
"What are you talking about?"
He laughs but it sounds so dry it hurts
"You know exactly what I'm talking about" He looks at me and all I can see in his black eyes is disappointment and all of a sudden I feel like a little girl scolded by her father. Kayden is the closest thing I have to home, although not best friends we saw each other grow up, he's like a brother to me, I feel cold water drop on me as his eyes search for the logic behind my actions
There's no logic. None at all, it's just feelings and when it comes to feelings, and things of the heart logic is thrown out the window
We walk in silence until we reach my car and he stands in front of me, I lean back on my car trying to get distance between us, and keep my eyes on the black road focusing on the fresh white line that my front tire is accidentally parked on top off
"I didn't mean it to sound like that," he says now his voice soft and I can finally find the courage to look up at him as soon as I do he sighs and brings me in for a hug "I just don't want you to get hurt," he says against my head before kissing my forehead as I nod meeting his eyes
"Why would I get hurt?"
He gives me an Are you serious look or maybe it was a Are you stupid? And maybe he is right but I can't let him know he is so I say
"Kayden it's just a dance"
His arms fall off me "Is it?" he steps back but his eyes won't leave mine "Say that to your face every time he talks to you, every time he gets close to you, every time you hear his name -"
"What are you implying?" I dare him to say it. He's accusing me of it but he won't be straight up about it. I honestly don't know if I want him to be honest about it, about what he's thinking, about how it looks from his point of view but he's so close to saying it that he might as well just say it
"You know exactly what I'm talking about" is all he says as he turns to walk away "I just thought you were smarter than that, but I see you're just like the rest"
I can't see his face, I can't imagine his expression right now neither can I see my own, what I know is I'm frozen as I see him walk away.
The barrier is broken... or at least it has a few cracks where Carson can fit through.