It's Just A Dance

Chapter 18

~~Ariana~~
Since the kiss in my apartment Carson and I have been texting a lot. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. Day and night, I wake up to a good morning text and can't fall asleep without a good night text from him.
I can't tell you why this is happening, I don't want to think about it too much either. I'm just enjoying the moment, and I would rather not think of what could happen. Although I make fake scenarios about us before I fall asleep and I've thought about a family together more than once.
I don't say that to anyone.
Well quite frankly, I haven't talked to anyone about this. I've kept it my little secret as I'm sure he has too.
The less we talk about it the more we can enjoy it.
Who eats in silence, eats twice
And I want to eat again.

I've been living in a little bubble where only he and I exist. It's crazy how he can make me change my opinion of him with little moves, he makes me feel whatever he wants me to feel. Makes me hate him when he wants to be hated but also makes me love him when he wants to be loved.

My world started to revolve around him when I met him. I don't even remember what my life was like a few weeks ago, but that tells you a lot. My life was unmemorable before him, who knows what my life will be like after him or if there even will be an after Carson but for now I can enjoy the present. The present of the present. What I am living right now, I can worry about the future another day.

Today is the first day we have to see each other at practice after our heated kiss in my apartment. I don't know what to expect but from what history has taught me I shouldn't expect much. Because when you expect too much you're going to be very disappointed.

I don't want to be disappointed by him anymore, therefore I keep my expectations low.

I haven't given the last message Kayden sent me much thought, I know I should but I'm not ready to burst my bubble. I like Carson too much, and he's been acting differently but that does not guarantee me anything.

Maritza's text sometimes haunts me at night too, interrupting all my romantic scenes, so I can't say I'm the happiest person walking into practice right now, reality will hit me like a bull running into the red flag, but I have to.

Now that I come to realize I'm never excited to be here. The funny thing about this is it's always for different reasons.

Sometimes it's because I don't want to see Carson other than Kayden and most of the time I can't stand anyone in there... aside from maybe Emerson and I used to believe Maritza was a good friend too but now I have my doubts.

At least Carson isn't the reason why I'm not excited to be here like other times. He's actually the reason I'm somewhat excited to be here but that excitement comes with a prize.

I haven't been able to eat like a normal person. The nerves in my stomach take all the space and I can not digest food like I used to. It sucks.

But nothing a Midnight Rebel can't fix, am I right? That'll be enough energy until this is over.

Will it make my head hurt after this is over? ABSOLUTELY

But I'm honestly not sure what makes it hurt more, the extra added sugar or the rush I have when I'm with these people that make it feel like I'm getting off a roller coaster.

With age I've noticed I started to dislike rollercoasters because they give me huge headaches, if my younger self found out about this she'll murder me.

But if I'm being quite frank she'll murder me about a lot of things, the overthinking, the self-doubt, the I care about what other people think, etc.

I don't know exactly when I lost my self-confidence but it happened somewhere in the middle of me getting glasses and getting called names at school after that I think everything went downhill until I finally got to use contact lenses but then they started to notice my light brows so I became Mona Lisa, then makeup saved the day but not the big chunk of confidence that I once had and now I'm here.