The girl who should've been left at airport security |memoir 1|complete

Chechen innocence lost

When I was born I was the product of a rape and also that of a poor mother!  That being said I was not wanted to begin with  in life!  As the first two years of my life would play out I would lost my innocence in the most painful way possible, through actual violence and torture!   But know buy just anyone but by mujahadeen the actual predecessor of Al-Qaeda, sounds far fetched?  No, because at the very time I was born up until I was adopted I was in a terrorist infest country and warzone!   There was no intelligence or airport security to be had! One of tormentor I was able to Identify through a night mare I had!    Some of the torture I went through was waterboarding, stress position, sleep deprivation, and isolation to pure pain in the worst way imaginable!  I would you more about this but it would be triggering for you!  And this continues for two years two months.
Also I heard other kids being hurt and also hearing AK fire and IEDs go off almost every fucking hour!  
I remember that food was scarce and that I would've starved anyway, which is sad to say!  
This aided in my fear of the dark as-well as the Herculean pain tolerance that I would have in the coming 30 some odd years in my life! Though the beginnning of my life was morbid and grousome!  It got worse as the people in the orphanage also started stealing my stuff, yet another torture tactic.....but this time it was mental torture!  As you can see I was born in a shit land that was hostile to girls, women and females as well as the Roma!
I only discovered the force sex and rap of women in my country when I was with my brother Bryan, more about him latter as he contributed to my trauma!  People this days are like oh my god thank god your no like a Quentin Tarantino character especially Oren Ishii!  And unfortunately I am able to relate to Oren and her copious amounts of trauma too!  Also it does not help that  I was bother Eurasian and Indo-European (Roma which is another way of saying Eurasian).  The only white I have in me is Chechen and Bosnian as well as Romanian!    This will not be the first time that I would lost innocence nor the virginities, not just sexual but in other way too!  I will get them later! 
When I was adopted my brain took another shift and I was traumatized again by having a new set of humans and a new country to live in, still to this day I have to tell my self that I was safe and that I still am!   But the fuckery would not end there, as my first triggering memory was fucking daycare!   The shit excuse so my parents can drink all day and not have to deal with me!   The repercussions were this that I ended up being a hellion as a kid. As this was the first shit memory I had in Canada!  That being said I found my self with the same damn dangerous but this time they were make believe, but it was so real at the time!  But at the end of the day my parents had to deal with a very pissed of peach~ me!  I was told I was horrible and bad and that I was the devils child whenever I left day care!  If that was so bad why did not my ret*rd parents just leave me at the security checkpoint or at customs as I would  have benefited from that!