Honey bear 🐻 🍯

3.9

Joon still feels completely out of place in Jin's home. In reality it's both their home but joon still doesn't feel like he belongs. He knows jin doesn't mind him being little  but it still eats at him. He just wants to not feel like he is a constant burden. Jin tells him everyday that he is never a burden and Jin loves taking care of him. Joon still feels so guilty knowing he is a grown man and can't help but act like a baby. Joon just feels like an awful boyfriend, he can't be a normal boyfriend, a boyfriend Jin deserves. Yes his friends are littles and have partners but they come out of little space often, they don't have severe sexual trauma and weren't abused and neglected like joon was. They aren't fucked up , Joon is the worst type of boyfriend anyone could ask for, he knows he is super selfish, he tries his very best to put everyone before himself because he is the least important person in anyone's life , even his own. It's just been like that, he doesn't ever expect it to change. It doesn't matter how many times Jin reassures him , he still feels less than.

When Joon heard jin talking with Tae and Hobi while they were having dinner at their home , Joon overheard some stuff he probably shouldn't have. Yoongi , Jimin and jungkook were out still at work or university, so they wouldn't be over till later . He heard them talking about intimacy , all of them were sharing their experiences with their partners but Jin. Jin was just listening to them and nodding , he doesn't want to share what he has done in the past with other people because that would be disrespectful to Joon. " you got anything to share hyung?" Tae asked. " not really , we don't do anything sexual and joon is little 90% of the time" Jin replied . "Wait you guys have never had sex? You've been together for almost 2 years now" Tae was dumbfounded, so was Hobi. " hyung , are you being serious?" Hobi asked, no way that his friend who used to tell them all his sex stories just stopped having sex. " well yeah , you guys realize he is pretty traumatized with sex. I'm not going to force him to have sex with me" Jin replied , yes it's surprising that Jin has not had any form of intimacy besides kissing. " I knew it was bad but I didn't think to this extreme. What do you even do now ?" Tae asked. " I mean nothing , I'm not going to cheat on him , that's way too low and I love him with everything in me. I don't mind waiting but it's just sometimes a little hard ." Jin said truthfully. " I don't think I could last that long , I mean I have two boyfriends so I get more but I couldn't imagine 2 years without sex" hobi said . " obviously it's hard , i wouldn't be waiting this long if i had the option. But it's not a big deal, i just deal with it when im in the shower or Joon is at work" Jin said. "I'm glad kook has a high drive but man that's gotta suck ." Tae said . " I can't just initiate it , I've tried , he gets quite nervous. He is little basically every day , he still hides from me so I know he isn't ready for that step in our relationship. He was raped as a punishment , he doesn't have a good relationship with intimacy. I love him and I'm willing to wait" Jin said to his friends, he doesn't care how long he has to wait. " I mean you do you but sex is a big part of relationships. I don't think I'd be able to not have sex often" Tae said . Joon Heard the whole conversation, he was walking to the living room where they were sitting but he stopped to listen. Maybe he is little too often, he never really thought about how Jin felt . He doesn't like sex because it was used as something against him , something he didn't have a say in. He feels even more guilty now about being little so often , he feels like he is holding Jin back from having an actual romantic experience. He was quite distraught about hearing this , this is just something he'll have to face or Jin will leave him. Joon was so embarrassed that he stayed in his and Jin's room the whole night.
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When Jin came to bed that night , Joon was big but had his back turned away from Jin. Jin was laying beside him, pulling joon into his arms. "Hyung" joon said quietly, he was nervous. "Yeah baby?".  Jin gently brushed this fingers through joons hair. " um, does not having um sex , actually not bother you?" Joon mumbled. "Baby , face me please" Jin said softly. Joon hesitated to roll over to face his boyfriend. Once he did , he couldn't make eye contact, he felt so embarrassed. " baby , you heard our conversation early, didn't you?" Jin said softly, he continued to gently twirl joons hair. "Yeah, Im sorry , Little me was coming to find you" joon mumbled. " joon baby, is this something you want to work on with me?" Jin asked , " I don't mind waiting my love" Jin kissed joons lips. " I want to be able to do this with you , I'm just scared" joon said quietly. " I'm trying to be little less because I know it's tuff on everyone. I just want you to be able to have an actual romantic relationship, not have a man child constantly rely on you as if you are actually my parent" Joon hesitated to speak. " joon baby , I love you so much , you have no idea how much I love you . I don't like you thinking so lowly of yourself . Baby if I didn't want this I wouldn't be with you my love." Jin said gently pushing joons chin up so they made eye contact. " if you want to work on us having a more intimate relationship, we can take slow steps ? I want to make sure you feel comfortable , safe and in control about what is happening." Jin said , pressing a light kiss to joons lips. " I want to , I want to feel normal. It just scares me . The only experiences I've had were painful , he would shove objects in me. I'm just really scared hyung. I know you wouldn't do that to me but it scares me" Joon said as a few tears fell down his cheeks. " pumpkin, we will go at your pace ok my love? I want this to be something you can enjoy" Jin said softly, he pulled joon closer to his chest . He breathed in his boyfriend's peach scent, "thanks for understanding hyungie" Joon said as he snuggled into his loves chest. " oh my love , you don't ever have to thank me . You deserve the whole universe and more" .

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It's been a few weeks since their chat , Joon feels a little ready to maybe ask for more than just a peck , maybe they could move it up to a make out? Joon fiddled with his fingers before walking over to where Jin was sitting on the couch. He sat down beside Jin , carefully staring at him while he read his book. " joonie babe , why r you staring at me" Jin chuckles . " maybe because I want a kiss" joon said quietly. " hmm , I think I can help with that" Jin said , he then planted a big kiss on joons lips . "More" joon said after Jin pulled away. "Hmm are we going to try a little farther today?" Jin asked softly, he wanted joon to feel in control. " can we ? I want to try more than just a peck" joon said shyly. " we can baby, come here" jin said , gently pulling joon into his lap. " we can go slowly ok my love?" Jin said quietly as he slowly leaned in . "Yes please" joon said as he closed the gap between them. Jin took the lead , he kissed joon slowly . Joon moved his arms to wrap around Jin's neck. They took it slow but it was still enjoyable for both of us them. This was the first time Joon felt comfortable and at ease with making out with someone , he was glad it was Jin.

They stopped after awhile , joon didn't want to go farther than just kissing and Jin of course was totally ok with that. " you ok baby?" Jin asked. "Yeah, I liked that , I liked that very much" Joon whispered. " I'm glad baby" Jin said placing a kiss on joons forehead.
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Hii , here is a short chapter ! I probably won't write smut Because I have no idea how to. I hope this is ok! Please let me know if there is anything you'd like to see written in the future❤️

Honey