My Happy Accident

25

Ella completely wiped away every trace of her for the following weeks. I tried reaching her phone. I went to her secretary again. I even waited for her outside her house, only to be disappointed by her instant utter disapperance. Is she even alive? Did she even care for me at some point? Do I even cross her mind, even for a millisecond? Will she ever come back and confess her love to me?

Those questions have been on replay in my mind for quite some time now. I woke up with a heavy heart again. Funny. The person who's caused me this pain is also the only cure for it. I'm still texting her number, despite not getting anything back.

"I still love you. I guess I'll always do. Please come back to me, love."

I've sent that message while breaking down in tears. 
Mafe caught me crying again. She always does, for weeks now.

"Hey, Ate."

My sister hugged me and then wiped my tears.

"You've been crying for weeks now. Maybe it's time you stop. You haven't been yourself since," she said, holding me tighter.

"I can't, baby. I am never letting her go."

I sobbed. 

I know my sister only cares for me, but the heart wants what it wants. It is Ella, and only with Ella can I see myself building a life. 

"Ella! Love!"

I called out in my sleep.

"Please don't leave me."

I pleaded with her while I'm gradually losing sight of her.

"Ella, please!"

I cried out as she continued to walk away from me while my feet seemed frozen in the spot I'm in.

I woke up to Mafe's worried face. 

"You're having nightmares again."

She handed me a glass of water while I was still panting because of that dream.

I've been excessively dreaming since Ella decided to completely erase her existence. Sometimes those dreams are exactly what I want us to be. Happy, carefree, and just plainly in love with each other. And there are those that are just like this. Ella is leaving me over and over again, and all I can do is watch her walk away from me. 

"I think we should talk to your doctor soon."

Mafe spoke again.

"What? Why?"

I asked.

"You're not eating enough. You barely get out of bed, but when you do, you're still looking for Ella. You're asleep most of the time but then have the same recurring nightmares."

She answered, looking straight into my eyes.

"So?"

I looked at her, somewhat confused.

"What do you mean "so", Ate? You no longer take care of yourself. All you care about is Ella, who apparently doesn't give a single damn about you. God, she's not your life!"

Mafe yelled at me.

I smiled bitterly at her last sentence.

"Except she is, Mafe. You just don't understand."

I said that, bursting into tears.

"God, you're unbelievable."

She stood up and then walked out on me.

I spent the rest of the afternoon crying, sleeping, and sending text messages to Ella. I beg her to come back.

I woke up at around 6:00 in the evening. I got up and stared at my reflection in the mirror, whom I barely recognized. Messy hair, swollen eyes, and seemingly lifeless eyes. 

I had a quick shower, and I drove to the places I and Ellla had spent some time at. In the arcade, in that ice cream store, and on the sea wall, where we used to watch sunsets.

I just can't get her off my mind and my chest. And I know exactly that if given a choice, I am still keeping her in there. The last place I dropped by before heading home was her house.

I recalled how I stole a bunch of kisses whenever I drove her home. How I flirted with her and how cringe she'll get. I just miss my nonchalant elf. 

I smiled at the thought of those. I was about to head back home when I noticed someone was inside the house.

A shadow formed through the window, confirming the existence of someone inside.

I immediately recognized that figure. It's definitely Ella.

I didn't waste a second by smashing her gate with all my might so that she could hear me.

"Ella! Love! Open up! It's me."

I called out.

I stepped back to see if she heard me. I saw her walking out her door, heading outside.

She opened up the gate and spoke.

"Will you stop making a scene?"

She said it with conviction. She was obviously mad about what I just did.

I was hoping for something better than that. Her happy to see me, or her apologizing for leaving me hanging. Yet here we are. Here she is despising my presence.