My Happy Accident

26

"Why did you leave me like that? I've been trying to reach you. Even your secretary didn't have any clue of your whereabouts. Are you okay? Does anything trouble you?"

I asked her, holding her arms, and then hugged her tightly.

"I thought I was never going to see you again."

I cried on her shoulders. I've missed her scent. Her feels.

She didn't hug me back, but rather removed me from her arms.

"If anything's been troubling me, it's you, Jema. Why can't you just stay out of my life?"

She shouted at me, but I was wondering why she was in tears.

"Stay out of your life, Ella? After that night? After you made me your own, you just want me out of your fucking life? How unfair is that?"

We're both crying and screaming at each other now.

Thankfully, no one seems to be around, but I don't really care.

"I'm doing all of this for you, Jema. Please leave. I'm already doing you a favor."

Her voice had already cracked as she tried to contain her tears.

"Ella, please."

I pleaded.

She turned her back on me again, but I didn't let go of her hand and fell to my knees.

"Don't leave me like this, love."

I was begging on my knees when she was still trying to let go.

"Jema, this is for your own sake."

Her voice somehow recovered from breaking a while ago.

"I don't understand. At least give me a reason that's reason enough for me to let go and just move on."

I'm still kneeling before her because, honestly, I don't know if I still have the strength to stand at all.

She was about to leave me again when my head started hurting. It was so bad that I ended up rolling on the pavement.

"Arghhhhh!"

I screamed in pain, gripping my hair.

"Jema, what's happening?"

Ella hurriedly held me.

Flashes of memories came flooding all over me. Memories of the first day we met. I didn't want to marry her. How I cheated on her with Deanna. The dates she planned for us. The dates I've ruined. The flowers she never failed to give me on Fridays. The flowers that just ended up in the trash. How she would take care of me despite treating her so badly. 
God, my Ella. She's not the person standing in front of me right now or the person I've known since the accident. She's the sweetest and purest being there is. Her smiles while we were heading home. That voice I always found familiar. The person whom I think I've known my entire life. She is not just a familiar stranger. She's the other half of me. She's my wife.

The person who loved me unconditionally. The person who's willing to give up the world for me. 
Perhaps the reason she's been like this towards me is because of all the betrayal and disrespect I've thrown at her, despite all the love she has willingly inundated with me.

I now remember everything and, I guess, what I am going through right now. Why we ended up like this was all my fault. I've wasted someone so precious, and now I'm paying the price, big time.

I woke up in a hospital again. A couple of pieces of apparatus are attached to me. The headache caused by those memories coming back has already subsided. I noticed my sister sleeping beside my bed.

Too bad; I was actually hoping I'd see Ella instead.

I badly want to hug her and apologize for everything I've done. For all the pain I've caused her.

She's not here. I don't think she'll ever be here. I don't think she'll ever forgive me and I don't think I can still face her after everything I just remembered.