Misfit (Phan AU)

Chapter Seventeen

*Phil's POV*

You could argue that things had been different between Dan and I since the second he knocked on my door this morning, those first timid and hesitant raps against the wood. And had you asked me then, I would have agreed. I didn't believe things could get any better than that, it was overwhelming and I didn't dare to even consider asking for more from him. It felt like that split second of disbelief mixed with pure joy you felt when you actually won something at one of those rigged carnival games, but it wasn't just a flash moment, it was a lasting sensation, brought back to the forefront of my mind every time I so much as glanced at him.

But, as it turns out, that was only the first in a series of unbelievable but welcomed events. After weeks of facing his cold shoulder and indifference, suddenly it seemed like he was throwing progress at me by the bucket and I was too startled and clumsy to catch it all. He was laughing and grinning around me without bothering to hide it, not only putting up with my presence but even requesting it, going out of his way to make sure he was near me. 

He hugged me. Not some, throwing your arm around a shoulder, and not some halfhearted tense one-sided embrace where he'd only allowed me to hold him close. It was real, genuine, to the point I could feel the bubbly warmth circulating between us as if it was a physical veil. He'd initiated it, and as far as I could tell, he didn't regret it. 

I really wasn't sure what had gotten into him, and I was trying to remind myself that it might not be a lasting change, that I should be prepared for disappointment if he happens to turn around and backtrack over all of what he'd done and said today, but it was so hard not to just let my guard down and appreciate the present time for what it was. He was so carefree and earnest around me, like a completely different person, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't inspire me and encourage me to keep trying to get close to him. How could anything (anyone) that felt so rewarding, made me feel so accomplished and giddy, not be worth the effort?

The awe-factor never did fade either, it was like every time he so much as smiled at me without bothering to hide it I'd achieved something great, something I wasn't to take for granted under any circumstances.Even now, while I listened to him babble on in that chastising parental tone that was growing familiar all too quickly, I was saturating in the sound of his voice. Despite the fact he was nagging and lecturing like crazy since I'd admitted I hadn't used antibiotic ointment on any of my injuries since the beginning of my teens, when my mother was still forcing me to, I couldn't say I was bothered by him. It only made it all the more clear that things had changed, that he was speaking (a lot), while we were driving. All of our car rides had been in relative silence up until now, to hear him rattle on so enthusiastically, completely casual without any noticeable hesitation, it was just another step in the right direction I couldn't be more happy to take, even if it involved him lecturing me like there was no tomorrow.

"Phil? Are you listening to me? At all?" I felt the guilty expression slip across my face before I even had a chance to consider hiding the truth. I brought a whole new meaning to the term 'open book', it was impossible for me to hide how I was feeling, regardless of who I was around. To be truthful, part of me had almost hoped that spending time around Dan would help with that, considering he was basically the text book definition on hiding your feelings, but so far there'd been no change. I was as easy to read as ever, so naturally it was no surprise when Dan gave an exasperated huff rather than waiting for me to speak up.

I was expecting further reprimanding quips after that, surprised when instead I was greeted with relative silence in the following seconds. Immediately I was concerned that I'd maybe offended him enough he didn't feel inclined to react at all, and that suspicion only grew the longer time passed, to the point I was certain I'd have to mumble some nervous apology and hope to get back on his good side. I couldn't afford to make him angry now, not after getting such a perspicuous view of what it was like when he wasn't filtering himself, I wanted things to stay that way for as long as possible now, forever even. I wasn't sure I could take things falling back into their previous state now that I'd met with the alternative.