Misfit (Phan AU)

Chapter Three

*Phil's POV*

"It was nice meeting you!" I exclaimed, gritting my teeth together to keep my smile from fading, forcing myself to hold it for just a little longer. I wanted to seem cheerful for him, even if I felt like my world was crumbling through my fingertips right now. He doesn't have to know that. I doubt he'd care or be affected by the knowledge at all. At this point, I'm left wondering if he cares about anything. It's difficult to picture him passionate about something, or someone. 

I waited patiently for a reply, noticing that he'd stopped walking. I expected him to spin around and address me, eyebrows furrowing as the seconds started to add up and his back was still left facing me. I was starting to stress after ten seconds ticked past, looking around the room slowly and confirming my suspicion that everyone's eyes were on me. 

Normally, something like that wouldn't bother me. I shouldn't have been so loud if I didn't want to draw attention. However, right now it was different. They weren't just curiously looking in my direction, they were judging, assuming they knew more about the situation than they did, than I did. Honestly, it probably wouldn't take much to understand Dan Howell more than I do, because I don't get him at all.

I watched with curious eyes as he shifted his jacket off his shoulders, grabbing the arms and tying them together at the front. I looked downward in guilt as I realized he was covering the stain on the front of his pants, a blush dusting my cheeks. I'm not certain, but I don't think there's a single thing I could have done worse than what actually ended up happening after I walked into this restaurant. So much for 'he's going to love me', huh?

I froze, realizing I'd let myself get caught up in my thoughts again. Did I miss his reply or had he still not given one? I looked up quickly, throat feeling dry when I saw the spot he'd been moments before was now empty. He left. He really left without even replying to that. Couldn't he have lied if he didn't think it was nice to meet me? Was it really that unbearable?

Thinking back, maybe it was after all. I slumped over the table, knowing it was inappropriate for a place like this but too drained to really care. If someone came over to talk to me about it I'd sit up, otherwise I just needed the support right now. It's not possible for someone to be that much of an asshole all on their own, right? It must have been partly my fault. I shouldn't have left him waiting, regardless of all that was going on in my life. Worse yet, the coffee was probably a lot more uncomfortable than he let on, considering I'd just gotten it a few minutes before. Could I really blame him for acting the way he did? It was probably all my fault. 

The upside to that however, is that I still had the chance to fix it. I'd just try harder next time, I'd make sure everything went right and I would prove everything he thought of me now as wrong. This isn't the end, it's not like he completely rejected me, we're moving in together. I have months to fix things between us, if not years. He's wrong, we're not going to be just 'living together', we're going to be friends. This is going to work out.

I was determined to keep that mind frame then, even when the waiter approached me and asked if I'd be ordering a meal or not, eyes wide and confused by the fact I was now sitting alone. I didn't let it get to me though, kindly rejecting his offer of a menu and getting to my feet instead. I'd just go back home, I'd accomplished what I came here for anyway.

I'm going to move out. This is a huge step forward in my life and I shouldn't let a few small bumps in the road let me undermine how important it is. I've been waiting too long for this to happen to let any of this hold me back, which is exactly why I agreed to take the apartment, even if he wasn't quite as 'perfect' as my mother had insisted he should be. There's no such thing as perfect anyway, I would have been stuck looking for months if I took her advice.