The Experimental Mate (in editing process)

Want Her Close

Jay's POV:

The meeting came to an end, and I can't stop thinking about what happened earlier. Why would she choose for us? Not just for me but for our future children too? They're to grow up without a mom and I'm to lose my mate who I'm just getting to know and love? I stopped walking and looked up to the sky. Could you be any crueler? I sighed, looking down to my hands. Am I really starting to love her? She is my mate but she's still dangerous. Even with that knowledge, I still can't deny that she makes me feel things for her. 

Tori had walked home earlier, and I haven't heard from her since. Until I mark her, if I get to mark her, I won't be able to communicate with her through the mind link. If she hadn't chosen for us, then I probably could've marked her before anything happened. Lomen explained that the little girl named Oakley was about four or five in the vision. That meant we would've had at least three to four years to figure all of this out. To stop it all from happening to begin with. Now we don't know when it'll happen. I trust that our pack grounds are safe, so I have no doubt she is okay. It'll take a little bit for Noah or Jax to regroup their army anyhow. Plus, they'd be suicidal to take my mate away from me, which is why I need to find Noah, or Jax, or maybe even both and kill them.

I'm still upset with her. I will admit I was angry that she could throw her life away so carelessly but after taking a bit to think on it, I can't stay mad with her. If it were me in her shoes, I wouldn't have said anything at all, and I'd have just let myself go. I wouldn't want her worrying and I wouldn't want people treating me differently. So being angry gets me nowhere but in the mirror looking at a hypocritical bastard.

That doesn't change the betrayal though. Even if it was against herself. I do need to get her to talk to me though. Am I going to explain to her my feelings? No. I don't do that. Never have and never will but she'll already know what I'm upset about. I felt her pain when she was leaving, and I know I didn't imagine that. It was too real and too painful to be imagined. It's still weird I can feel her emotions since we're not bonded yet. I still need to look into that.

I'm finally home now, walking up on my porch. The porch wraps around the house, and we have a little love swing facing toward the sunrise. I'm up at four every weekday and sometimes on the weekends, so I get to see the sunrise every morning. I'm not sure how she remembered the way back. At the time I wasn't thinking about it and just let her leave. I can smell her vanilla bean and general earthy scent, so I know she is home.

Walking through the door, I closed it behind me and locked it. Today has been a long day and what happened keeps replaying in my head. There isn't much to say from either perspective because I know we both understand each other's views. She is trying to protect me and our family, if we even get the chance for one. I was angry because she didn't talk it over with me and now, she could go missing or die any moment. Of course, that's based on how set in stone Destinee's visions are. How do we know Noah, or Jax, isn't controlling them to get them back? On second thought, I probably shouldn't have let her come home alone.

I took three stairs at a time, just wanting to see her and make sure she's okay. When I made it to the room though, my heart stopped. She's not here. I could smell her scent earlier on the porch. Maybe she's somewhere else in the house? As many logical reasons as to why she isn't here there are, there's still the threat of anything having got her which drove both Andrews and I crazy with worry and guilt.

She can't be gone. Not yet. I rushed out of the room, searching the second-floor bathroom and guest room. There's still no trace of her though; No indents on the couch, footprints on the rugs, dirt on the hardwood floors, there isn't even any lights on or noise to be heard.

I'm hoping I'll hear her voice any second, her telling me that this is all some stupid or petty prank to get back at me for being mean. I feel something brush against my back. I didn't sense or hear any movement behind me so whoever this is must be someone who's highly trained. Turning, I pinned whoever it was up against the wall with a firm but not harsh grip. If it's one of my pack members, I don't want to hurt them but I sure as hell ain't letting them walk away punishment free for being in my home without permission. 

Andrews took control and I felt his anger and panic rolling in waves. We're seeing through red crimson lenses so much, so we don't realize that it's Tori pinned to the wall. As soon as I felt her cold but soft hand against my stomach and the other cupping my face, the red began to fade away. Andrews is still stressed, and my heart is still racing hundred miles per minute. I gently placed my hand on hers, letting my heart calm a little before grabbing her waist and the back of her head to pull her closer to my chest. 

We could've lost her. She could've been dead or left, and we wouldn't have known.

Andrews stated, making my chest tighten at the truth. He's right. We could've lost her. She could have packed up and left or she could've been kidnapped on the way here. I can hear her talking but my mind isn't registering the actual words.

I moved my hands down to her thighs and lifted so her legs wrapped around me. I don't want to do anything; I just want her close to me. So, I walked to our room and gently laid her down on the bed. I sat for a second staring at her, giving her a chance to lay down and get comfortable before moving between her legs and laying my head on her chest. I can hear her heart beating rapidly. My heart rate wasn't through the roof like before, Andrews was finally calm, and I feel like I can actually breathe. My eyes are stinging from my contacts being dried but I ignore it, just letting her hold me. I'm starting to become groggy from the long day of stress and panic.

"It's okay, sweet man." She hummed, the action vibrating her chest. I rested my arms on either side of her and lifted, letting my arms support my body while looking at her face. She looks beautiful. She's fucking weird though. Leave it to me to have a bright ray of sunshine as a mate. At least I can process her words now. 

"I know." I answered, before plopping back down. I don't know if she's comfortable with this. She hasn't pushed me off and she doesn't usually seem afraid to get her point across so if she were uncomfortable, I feel as though she'd tell me. 

"You comfortable?" I mumbled; eyes closed. The light and contacts are hurting them.

"Kinda." Kinda? Moving back up to look at her face, I search for what 'kinda' means. I think she felt my confusion because she elaborated immediately.

"The pillow is tilted behind me, and it feels like my body is curving in on itself." The explanation alone was confusing, but I got the hint that she was okay with me laying on her, so I sat up and looked at her with amusement.

"Get comfortable then. I'm gonna take my contacts out before I fall asleep." I stated, scooting over to my nightstand and grabbing my eye solution, contact case, and glasses case. I can hear her shuffling around the bed, but I'm more so distracted by trying not to jab my eye out or let the contact. Once I was done with that and threw my glasses on and get up to grab the mattress from the closet. I don't want to weird her out and I'm not convinced she won't kill me in my sleep. 

"What're you doing?" She sounds calm but looking at her, there's confusion and hurt in her eyes. Not to mention a dull ache in my chest that I know isn't from me.

"I was gonna give you the bed and sleep on the mattress. I don't want to stress you out or make you uncomfortable." The way I said it must have amused her because she's staring at me with puppy dog eyes and a wide smile, shaking her head no. She pushed out her bottom lip, patting the bed beside her making me want to do unspeakable things to her. Her lips look divine. She's weirdly comfortable with this stuff though, which is a little suspicious. Maybe she really is going to kill me in my sleep. I slowly squinted my eyes at her wondering why she seemed so comfortable.

"I don't have cooties, ya dork." She laughed, grabbing my arm and pulling me down to lay beside her. I couldn't hide the smile for long, and based on how her smile widened, she ate it up. It only lasted for a moment though because then her face fell and she took a deep breath, biting her lip. She's doing this on purpose, isn't she. 

"You know I'm sorry, right?" Her voice is low, but she held eye contact, and I can see the guilt swimming in her eyes. My mood soured a little but I'm just happy I found my mate and she's okay for now.

"I know. I am too." I muttered, I leaned back and raised my arm to stretch. I wasn't expecting a head and a shoulder to stab into my side and armpit but when I looked down to see what happened, I saw her smiling up at me with her head on my chest and arm on my stomach. I could get used to seeing this view for the rest of my life. I smiled and rolled my eyes, pulling her closer and covering the both of us before grabbing the remote and clicking the lights off. Even though today has been generally bad, I'm grateful I've found her, and she exists.