Empires SMP oneshots

Hermes' bedtime story

           Hermes giggled. He was currently hiding in Aunt Lizzie's kitchen to avoid bedtime. Both of his dads had left him with Aunt Lizzie because they were going to go somewhere that was apparently not for little children.

           Hermes didn't mind. His adventures with Aunt Lizzie were always awesome. The only thing he didn't like was the bedtimes. I know Aunt Lizzie is a cat, but why does she have to give me a cat bedtime? I'm not a cat, I'm a demigod! That logic didn't work on Aunt Lizzie though when he tried to argue with her, because she just simply denied being a cat and put him to bed as early as she wanted to.

           Eventually, though, Aunt Lizzie found Hermes hiding in her herb cabinet. And rather quickly at that too. As an anthropomorphic cat, Lizzie had a keen sense of smell which she could use for tracking things. Especially if that thing was a tiny giggling child. 

           "Aha!" Aunt Lizzie said triumphantly, opening up the doors of her herb cabinet and Hermes shrieked, laughing. "I thought I smelled something that wasn't a plant in here! Now, come on, Hermes, next time you hide from me and bedtime don't go in there. I don't want to be responsible for you messing around with my catnip." Hermes didn't know what catnip was but judging by the way both she and daddy Sausage talked about it, it wasn't something he was supposed to play with. 

           Hermes still struggled to flee when Aunt Lizzie tried to pick him up and drag him to bed, so she resorted to bribery. "Okay, Hermes, you win. If you go to bed now I'll let you tingle me." Yay, tingle! Hermes thought excitedly and immediately ran up the stairs to go to the bedroom that he always occupied whenever he had to sleep at Aunt Lizzie's house. 

           Soon they were both seated on Hermes' purple poster bed. Aunt Lizzie took off her jacket, revealing her furry arms, and closed her eyes. "Go ahead, tingle me." Hermes grinned and grabbed her paw, letting some sparks of electricity travel from him to her. All of Lizzie's fur started to rise up and make her look poofy, making Hermes laugh and let go and watch them settle back down again. It was a fun thing he liked to do after discovering that he could do it to his furry aunt and Lizzie exploited it to make him do things that he usually wouldn't do. 

           Again! Hermes reached out to Lizzie's paw again to tingle her again but Lizzie jerked it away. "That's enough for one night." She said, still buzzing slightly from the electricity. Hermes pouted as Aunt Lizzie made him lie down and covered him with a soft blanket. "I'll tell you a bedtime story." She promised, making Hermes light up. Literally. At least nothing was set on fire this time because everything in that room was specifically made to be fireproof. 

           Lizzie waited until Hermes settled again before starting her tale. "You know how phantoms and creepers are scared of cats, right?" She asked. Hermes nodded. He'd seen father Joel use his lightning powers to charge creepers to make them blow up regular creepers so that he could take their heads, and he remembered how Joel specifically asked Aunt Lizzie to not be around to not scare the creepers away. 

           "Well, have you ever known why?" Aunt Lizzie asked. Hermes thought for a moment and then shook his head. No, he didn't know why those hostile mobs were scared of cats. "Well, now you're in for a treat tonight. I know the true story of why phantoms and creepers are afraid of us- I mean cats!" Aunt Lizzie stumbled over her words, making Hermes laugh.

           "So, once upon a time, creepers and phantoms would terrorize villages. Creepers would just randomly show up and blow up behind you, and phantoms would be watching from above, hovering around you as you slept- or not, considering that they only show up when you haven't slept for at least three days in a row." Lizzie started. 

           "The villagers had no idea how to deal with the constant creeper and phantom problem. I mean, they knew that creepers didn't really like to blow up but they did anyway. They also knew that phantoms wouldn't come unless they had a bout of insomnia but the constant fear they had of creepers and phantoms ironically made them unable to sleep at night. It was a problem that no human knew how to solve." Hermes smiled at the word 'human'. Aunt Lizzie was so obviously a cat that he didn't know how she hadn't figured out that literally everyone else already knew about her 'secret'. 

           "But one person had an idea. Except she wasn't a person. She was a cat. This cat was named Evie. Evie, like most cats who lived around villages during those times, were heavily despised by villagers and constantly chased away. True, cats kept away the mice, but to the villagers they were constantly causing trouble and spreading disease. But like, come on, that's the mice's job!" Lizzie complained. 

           "At any rate, Evie watched as creepers and phantoms terrorized the village that she lived in. Even if she didn't like the villagers who didn't like her, Evie didn't like the creepers and phantoms either. So one day she hatched a plan to get rid of them." Hermes grew excited, but his eyelids were starting to droop. 

           "Evie sought out a creeper one day to talk to him. 'I am Evie, a cat.' She said to the creeper. 'Fear me.' The creeper instead thought that she was cute. 'You're adorable,' He said. 'Why should I fear you?' 'Because I can make you explode whenever I want to.' Evie explained. The creeper didn't believe her, but Evie started purring. Which if you think of it, sounds an awful lot like the noise bombs make. Anyway, that creeper thought that he was hearing himself about to blow up and he ran away from Evie with all four stumpy legs in terror." Hermes was almost asleep now but he really needed to hear the end of the story. 

           "That creeper horrifiedly told all the other creepers that cats could make them explode. From that day onward when a creeper sees or hears a cat they will immediately leave. The villagers praised Evie for her quick thinking and started keeping more cats around the village. But she still had to solve the phantom problem." As Aunt Lizzie continued, Hermes could barely keep himself awake. 

           "Evie sought out a phantom to talk to. 'I am Evie, a cat. Fear me.' Like the creeper, the phantom thought that she was cute. 'You're adorable. Why should I fear you?' He asked. 'Because I can make you disappear.' Evie said. The phantom was confused until Evie explained that cats spent seventy percent of their lives asleep. Evie tricked him into thinking that it was a curse that all cats had and that the cats could curse villagers into sleeping that much too. Since phantoms only came into existence when people didn't sleep, Evie made the phantom wonder what would happen if everyone slept a lot." Hermes could barely even hear Aunt Lizzie anymore. 

           "To prove that the 'curse' could transfer from cats to villagers, Evie had all the villagers sleep all day. Since they liked her after she helped with the creepers, they listened to her. Every phantom was horrified when they heard the news. Then one of them spread a rumor that the sleeping curse could spread to them too and after that, none of them wanted to mess with cats again. And that is why you must listen to my bedtime schedule." Aunt Lizzie finished, but by that point Hermes was fast asleep.