It felt like whiplash, being dragged around from one point in time to another, seeing and feeling everything as if she didn't have the misfortune of witnessing it all take place before in first person. Although not every visit to her past self was melancholy, it only reminded her of how much of a disgrace she had become. An orphan, of all things. Believed to be a prodigy, reduced to a machine constructed with miscellaneous parts.
"Enough of this!" she pulled her hand away once the spirit had whisked them off to a dark, undisclosed location. Shadows lined the cramped walls, masking the space and withholding its identity to her. There was the distinct hint of spice floating in the air, and that rang the faintest of bells but she didn't allow herself the time to process it.
"I'm done with it" Dakota faced the spirit head on, her eyes as sharp as daggers. Expectedly, the spirit listened. "you're showing me all these memories as if I know what to do with them, as if there's something I can do to change what this shitty galaxy has done to, not just me, but to everyone who inhabits it. My mom died, big whoop. And my dad, he-" she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. She squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced, looking away.
A glow of pale blue radiated from their silhouettes, providing the minuscule scraps of visibility that illuminated a foot of space from them where they stood. The spirit spoke calmly, countering Dakota's mixed bag of rhetoric "I'm not asking you to change the past, I'm asking you how the past changed you"
As if on cue, a door slid open and dim yellow light poured in through from the hallway. Dakota froze stiffly, swerving her head to see who was entering. To her surprise, no one was entering the room, but there was someone exiting.
That's when she knew. The puzzle pieces connected in her mind. A comforting room lacking in light with a breath of spice. She knew this night all too well, and she had never let herself forget just how much she regretted it. Her heart dropped into her stomach.
As older Dakota observed the memory of her teenage self unfold right before her eyes, she felt a pang of bittersweet nostalgia wash over her in a powerful flood. She watched from the shadows with the spirit as her younger self stood at the threshold of Hondo Ohnaka's bedroom, her young heart burdened with conflicting emotions.
The shortened, black hair of her pre-teen adolescence had elongated, and her childish features had fixated into a young adult, into someone more understanding of the complexities of the world, but not quite accustomed to them.
The ruddy light of the walkway filtered through the opening, casting a soft glow upon the peaceful, sleeping figure of Hondo, his rugged features softened in a deep, uninterrupted slumber. For a fleeting moment, Dakota allowed herself to linger in the doorway, her gaze soaking in his face with a mixture of saddened love and longing. Older Dakota brought her hand to her chest as she witnessed the moment pass by, her fingers dug anxiously into her skin.
Watching from the outside in, the heartache plastered on her youthful face hummed a sad song, as a moon does on a cold night when it misses the sun. Her sun had been right there, a shimmering, inviting hand that was willing to show her the stars beyond the confines of the temple.
But the weight of duty and responsibility gnawed at her, reminding her of the destined life she had left behind as a Jedi. That's where her loyalties were to lie, despite what her emotions wanted. She wanted nothing more than to curl back up at his side, to bask in the presence of freedom and free will. To stay with her first love.
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Afterglow II | The Clone Wars
Fanfictionbook 2 although the Clone War is drawing to a close, there is still a war within the Jedi of many secrets. The Order has shaped her ethics, but that which is forbidden is her inner compass. She is a warrior, a sister, a friend, a lover. Ultimately...
