Southern Charm

Chapter 24

JESSIE

I will jump right into where Trace and I's lives changed yet again. This was no sweet, romantic story about an event on our honeymoon or something that happened after we told everyone we were pregnant. This was the story of losing my baby girl.

*WEEKS AGO*

After Veronica and Colton's gender reveal, Trace and I got serious about everything involving a baby while trying to keep it under the radar we were expecting. We wanted to share the news but didn't want anyone to think we were trying to steal the spotlight. After all, we had been through, we tended to do that a lot.

I was very impatient about everything, so once I hit ten weeks and had the slightest bump, we told my family the news. They were over the moon, and Dad almost had a heart attack.

"I'm going to have three grandchildren and a grand dog, Rover?" Dad asked.

I nodded. "Yes, we've kept it a secret just like Veronica and Colton did. We are so excited."

Veronica embraced me with her vast bump that carried two little ones. She was twenty weeks now, still in the second trimester. Six more weeks, and she'd be in the third.

"Jess, I am so happy for you two. I hope it's a girl so we can outnumber the men for once. They won't stand a chance when Oakley and Olivia are here."

I chuckled. "I hope it's a girl, too. Mom would have loved to see all of this happening. I wish she had gotten to meet her grandkids."

"She'll be looking down watching them grow up," Dad said, putting his arm around my shoulder.

Things continued to go as expected. Routine checkups with both me and the baby being healthy. Trace and I started to pick out names, and a few were perfect. Our two names for a girl were Rosaline Diane and Paisley Ridge. Our two names for a boy were Blake Oliver and Charlie Scott.

Once we discovered we were having a girl, we chose Paisley Ridge as her name. My bump was much more significant than before, but I still had a ways to go. The nausea and vomiting had gone away, but now came the back pain, dizziness, and other problems.

When March rolled around, the twins had already been born weeks before and were gorgeous little girls. What made it even better was that they and Veronica were healthy. No complications at all. My turn was next, and I was ready until I wasn't.

*1 DAY AGO*

"Trace!"

Trace bolted into our bedroom, where I had been on bed rest for the last few days.

"What is it? Is it time?" Trace asked.

I nodded. "It's time. It's early, but it's time. My water broke. We need to go now. Something doesn't feel right. I know something is wrong," I said, beginning to cry.

Trace helped me to the car we had bought two months ago. It was a blue SUV, perfect for a first-time mom with one kid who longed for more children down the road.

"Is it time?" Dane asked, shouting from a distance.

"Yes, round everyone up and get to the hospital!" I yelled back at him.

Trace drove off to the hospital, where I was immediately admitted and taken back. Something felt wrong. I kept saying those exact words over and over again. This feeling wasn't going away.

I was hooked up to monitors, and one beeped a lot, causing me to panic even more.

"Jessie, I'm afraid we're going to have to take you back for a cesarean. Unfortunately, your umbilical cord is visible and is potentially wrapping itself around your baby, causing her to be unable to breathe. If we don't go now, your baby could suffer permanent brain damage."

"Well, what are you waiting for then? Hurry!"

And just like that, it was over. It was too late for my Paisley Ridge. She'd suffocated and died. The doctors put her tiny, lifeless body in my arms, and I sobbed uncontrollably.

A day later, I've barely said two words to anyone. Trace hasn't left my side. His warm embrace is the only thing keeping me going. My kid was gone again for the second time in my life. I felt like a failure. Did I cause my baby to die again?

I didn't know if I would ever be a mother to the children I birthed. I was afraid to try again after this.

"Jess, Veronica is here to see you. Do you want me to let her in or tell her to leave?" Trace asked.

I glanced at my husband, who was just as emotional as me. "Let her in," I mumbled.

Veronica entered and quickly embraced me with tears streaming down her face. "Oh, Jessie, I am so sorry. I can't do anything to make the pain go away, but I can tell you it gets better. There is always something better on the other side of the road. I've been there. I've lost a little one just like you."

"What?" I asked. I had never known Veronica lost a child before. She had never breathed a word of it, nor had Colton.

Veronica nodded. "It was right around the time Colton and I first got married. It was my third child loss. The first time was exactly like what happened to Paisley. I chose never to try again until last year. Colton and I agreed it was now or never. We will go through a lot of heartache and pain in our lives, but good is always around the corner. I know it hurts. I know what it was like to hold your sweet baby in your arms, knowing she'd never cry or call you mama. I'm here for you, Jess. We all are. You are not in this alone. Please don't give up because it failed. Be patient, and it will happen when the time is right."

Veronica and I cried together while we hugged. She was the big sister I never knew I needed. I never knew we had experienced the same things, but sometimes, our past mistakes and trauma bring us closer to one another.

When Veronica left the room, Trace came back in. Tears stained my face, and my whole body felt numb. It wouldn't be simple to get over the loss of a child.

"I'm sorry," I said, sobbing uncontrollably.

Trace raised his eyebrows and crawled into the bed beside me, pulling me close. "What do you have to be sorry for, darling? It is not your fault." His lips touched my forehead as his arms wrapped around me tightly.

Trace whispered into my ear as he stroked my hair. "Don't ever believe it's your fault."

I buried my head into my husband's chest and cried. "Am I unworthy to be a mother right now? I've lost two angels. I don't want to give up. I want to be a mother."

"Shh," Trace said, stroking my hair. "You are not unworthy. It's God's timing, not ours. We don't understand why, but maybe one day we will."