Rock One Shots etc :)

OstRich wOmaN

Kurt, Julian and Axl were walking around L.A. when they noticed a girl thumbing through records, casually talking to the cashier in a record store. She had blonde hair that was tied up in a messy bun, and even from so far away, they could spot the way her violet orbs glistened in the perfect illumination of the record store. She was wearing sweatpants and had mismatching socks!! Just from these absolutely gorgeous body traits they could tell she was not like other girls. She still listened to vinyl when CDs existed!! OMG!
Suddenly a feral instinct came over all three of them, and they panted like ferocious alpha males that had spotted their new prey, and raced towards the cute, minimalistic record store.
However, one second before they could "accidentally" brush her shoulder and look into her eyes and fall in love at first sight, Slash, Gerard, Nikki and Taylor all stepped one foot in front of them, simultaneously brushing past her and all accidentally touching her exposed shoulder! Outrageous! Didn't they know she was already Kurt, Julian and Axl's prey!!???? They were sooo jealous!!!!
Suddenly, she tripped over air even though she wasn't even moving! Aww, she's clumsy! So cute, and quirky! Just as she was about to fall and suffer a fatal injury, Robert materialized out of thin air and caught her in his arms.

Y/N's POV:
I was about to slip and fall. I closed my eyes, shutting them as tightly as I could. In that moment, I had accepted my fate. I was embracing the fact of my death. I felt the velvety darkness consume my body; my soul; my entire being, as I slipped into accepting.
However...
I never fell.
Suddenly, a man with long, curly, luxurious golden locks caught me in his strong arms, and bathed me with his irresistible scent. He smiled charmingly. I swooned.

3rd Person POV:
Y/N spoke.
"H-huh?"
Her voice was the most angelic thing any of them had ever heard or ever would hear in their lives. Her voice was sweet like honey, smooth like butter, soft like silk, bright as a summer's day, sing-song like a bird, fluffy like a cloud, warm as heated-up yoghurt, yet also firm like jello, and square like a regular quadrilateral.
Her breath smelled like fresh peaches, old books, blades of dewey grass, and a weedwhacker. She reminded them of a dandelion; a cat; a pretty piece of candy; a washing machine; an ostrich.

*TIME SKIP BROUGH TO YOU BY THE DRUMS IN SCENTLESS APPRENTICE*

3 years later, Taylor releases her newest album. The lead single is called "Ostrich Woman", and its lyrics are as follows:

[intro]
(Ooooh, oooh yeah, she smelled like books!)
(Just like old books-)

[verse 1]
Baby-
Why did I never hold you?
When you tripped and fell on air
Yeah it's like I've been ensnared
Why did it have to be Robert???
I feel like Cindy Lauper!!
Oh how I crave your arms
(Crave your arms-)

[chorus 1]
Ooooh, Ostrich Woman
Oooooooh, pretty Ostrich Woman
Your beak has plunged into my heart
And now I don't know where to start
Oooooh, you're just like a washing machine
See it in the way your eyes gleam
You sure got a way of makin me cry
From the way you terrorize my mind
(you're such a terrorist!)
Ooooh, Ostrich Woman!

[verse 2]
Darlin'-
You smell just like a weedwhacker
Skin feels a bit like, a graham cracker
You're like,
So like a cat
You make my eyes collect water,
Like blades of dewey grass!

[chorus]
Oooooh, Ostrich Woma
Oooooooh, pretty Ostrich Woman
Your feathers have clouded my brain
But oh I can't complain
Just like in that song "I'm on a plain"
You sure got a way of making me cry
(TERRORIST!)

[outro]
(Youre like a regular quadrilateral
And now I'm needing adderall)
(YOUR VOICE IS LIKE YOGHURT)


THE END

(this was an April Fools joke written by me and my best friend, but i just realized I forgot to post it here 😅

happy belated april ist ;)

On a darker note, yesterday was the 30th year anniversary of Kurt Cobain's passing. Rest in peace.)