https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwZMHkYTvhY&list=RDOQY4SoB-7Z4&index=20
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGulAZnnTKA&list=RDOQY4SoB-7Z4&index=26It was Tuesday
I felt a certain armour on that day
it was a bristling walk to the station and I felt him there crawling up my skin
a presence of male energy
I wondered who he was
the guy I saw in Kingston in July
or was it Adam
I felt starry eyed
and everthing I worked for meant I needed to be hit with another tomorrow
I. must. not. get. ill.
I must be fine
I must eat
I must chat to a friend from deutschland
but mostly never ever get angry at mum
she is violent herself sometimes psychologically
my dad would mostly do the beatings
I teleported out into the woods of a campus
I even ate breakfast
went to the co op because it was close by and it reminded me of home
one thing I never understood about blue lips was the endorphines id get talking to strangers RIP
lol im glad its dead
it was broke me
:)
I ended up playing chess by myself
I lost contact with my father
I was teleporting to the rainforest where \I met a stranger who had my views but this towards my flat in july that I rented out
when I met Renold he was nice to me
he was goodlooking and we shared banter but he was a bit young so I blocked him
2 years younger than me
I was 19
him 17
he said I should wait till he turned 18 and I did in april
but I didn't like him asking too many personal questions
especially about Boris and my medication he said he was too old for me
he said he was in uni
which retrospect would mean he went to princeton that movie was actually sort of what took place
but I was 16 by then and loved nicki minaj
I knew him but \I did not remember him
it was like deja vu and he never admitted it ever to knowing me but I catched on
and left
but then he teleported to my apartment
and he manipulated me into thinking he was an ok person
he said he would treat me like a goddess
then he had sex with me spirtually and I caved and sent him a nude
out it on meds
after my hiatus on my celebrity get me out of here (psych ward) \I confessed and they all looked at me like I was disgusting but we quickly got over it and made jokes about other shit
he made a whole book about it
saying how sick \I was
i guess im a sick girl
anyway the teleportation was real I was in tune with my senses which is why another reason I tried to kill myself
after I sent him the pink sports bra and my flat belly that was it
I blocked him for good
went about my day did a couple of takes on the sequel and left
went outside and a cop showed up
I swear you're more likely to fuck up at 19 and 20
things went downhill here
how did I get here
I used to feel so alive but I had nothing going for me and the doctors had found me
psychopathy will be destroyed they had in their heads
couldn't help themselves with their fat paychecks and pretty teeth
sharp
anyway years later he raped me
in my old apartment
Alesund
offshore and switched up on my headphones and depleting meds
feeling so scared
I hated him but got over it feeling like I deserved it <3
the end
