My Journey Through Self Love

Chapter 4 - Limiting Beliefs & The Ego

My Limiting Beliefs:

1. I believe I will burden others and be negatively judged, abandoned/dismissed, and hurt if I express myself vulnerably which means I can't be authentic.

2. I believe I am unworthy of love and happiness unless I am perfect (working excessively, taking criticism, requiring external validation, needing to people please, comparing myself to others, and fearing failure).

3. I believe I need permission to be happy and have fun (I can't have fun until I've proven that I'm worthy of it).

4. I believe I can't heal because I keep hurting from the wounds of both my past and my present (can't get over it).

5. I believe becoming my ideal self is impossible because I'm always gonna be faced with some type of obstacle, both internally and externally.

6. I believe change and uncertainty always cause suffering (whether it's losing friendships, losing control over my life, etc.) and I believe I can't handle it on my own.

7. I believe I am not as competent as people believe that I am (imposter syndrome).

8. I believe I don't deserve to prioritize my own needs over the needs of others.

9. I believe in the worst possible scenarios because I've been through the worst possible scenarios.

10. I believe I've already failed because I haven't succeeded.

11. I believe it is my fault when bad things happen to me.

12. I believe I have to be successful right now, otherwise I am unworthy.

13. I believe intimacy leads to pain and suffering (which is why I'm not open to dating right now).

14. I believe I'll have to do things I hate in order to make money (which is why I don't feel completely drawn to any career, I don't wanna do work I don't like for money).

15. I don't trust myself to make decisions about what truly matters to me because the decisions I've made have always been to please others.

16. I believe my abilities and intelligence are fixed, and I can't change them (fixed mindset).

17. I believe I must handle my problems on my own because I'm not worthy of assistance.

18. I believe conflict always leads to negative outcomes so it's best to avoid it at all costs.

19. I believe if I initiate plans with friends and they're rejected it confirms my fear of being unliked and unwanted.

20. I believe I'm not qualified or capable enough to advance in my career.

21. Money never comes to me easily, and I always have to struggle to earn it.

22. Constructive criticism is a personal attack and it means there's something wrong with me.

I realized that my subconscious behaviors reflected all of these limiting beliefs I had about myself, even if I consciously believed differently. From this realization, it had seem like I've done a lot of self-improvement work for nothing but that was only because I wasn't getting to the root of it all. My subconscious mind needed to change. I could believe positive beliefs consciously all I want but none of that even mattered if I subconsciously still believed the opposite.

Subconsciously, I've been behaving like my ego self. The ego is the part of me that believes all those limiting beliefs and acts accordingly (to protect me from perceived harm).

The ego:

1) Gets validation from outside sources, further proving its limiting beliefs (if I believe my worth comes from others instead of it being inherited and coming from within, I actively seek approval from others to feel worthy)

2) Is reactive (My circumstances control my life; I am a victim)

3) Is fear-based (extremely committed to keeping me safe based on my limited reality (keeping me in my comfort zone))

4) Lives in the past and the future

5) Believes I'm separate from everything around me

My ego isn't the real me. My limiting beliefs aren't the real me either. I consciously know they aren't. Those beliefs aren't even true, which is what I have to keep reminding myself. But my limiting beliefs are all the things I learned from my life as a child up until now. Based on what I was faced with and my reality at the time, it makes sense that I believed those things.

Logically when someone receives constructive criticism, they take it in and know that some things need to be improved upon. They wouldn't take it personally and they would commit to changing course. But egotistically, we can end up equating criticism to thinking we're failures and we'll either lash out or hide to protect ourselves from further emotional harm. Especially if we get approached with yelling and a beating. Our "mistakes" aren't met with love in the real world. We are instead taught that there's something wrong with us, even though that's not true at all.

The truth is that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am already loved. I can equate my true higher self to the self that God has created me to be.

My true self:

1) Is my higher self that operates according to God (the Truth)

2) Gets validation from within (I love and trust myself, this feels right to me, I have a purpose, and I am loved)

3) Is proactive (I'm in control of my life)

4) Is love-based (extremely committed to creating reality based on my potential and would rather be outside my comfort zone to reach my full potential)

5) Lives in the present moment

6) Believes I am connected to everything around me

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For me to access this true self, I have to trust that I'll be ok. I have to believe that I'm already loved by God, instead of trying to receive that love from other people. I have to live in the moment (following my intuition and living in gratitude) and trust that the future will work itself out. I also have to forgive the past me and move on. Period.

Stepping out of my comfort zone sucks at first because my ego is gonna fight back, but then things eventually end up getting better. I have to believe that it does and that I'll be ok.

It's always felt like I was gonna be punished or something bad would happen if I followed my heart, all thanks to what has happened in the past. If I said what I wanted to say and expressed how I felt, it always felt like I was gonna get judged because I have been judged in the past. If I did what I wanted to do, it felt like I was being selfish because I've been called selfish. But I'm a human being. Being myself should be my God-given right as a human being. I own the right to live my life. If something is bothering me, I can say it. If I want to be a functioning adult who is taken seriously and has control of my well-being, I have to actually be that person. I have to walk around with the agency that I am already loved. And it's gonna suck. There's no way around it. The fear will eat me alive on the inside and it will be extremely uncomfortable. But it's the only way I'll accomplish my goal of being healed.