DESTINE, finnick odair

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

RYLIE

warning: this chapter involves discussions of body image issues and slight mention of an eating disorder.

As Rylie Ashtide watched the gentle waves crashing against the shore and the sunlight lingering on the horizon, with the water reflecting the orange and pink from clouds above, she knew she would miss these evenings.

Two weeks had passed since the victory tour's stop at District Four. The day had left a sour mark, and the memories pained her. She recalled Finnick Odair's words he spoke to her behind the stage. She had never expected kindness from Finnick; but it was the embarrassment in front of the victors she was desperately eager to befriend that wounded her. She had begun to believe that she and Finnick were more than enemies. That morning, his rare compliment had given her hope, only to be shattered later by him calling her unloveable. His words had left a scar. For two weeks, she avoided him, protecting herself, yet yearning to express her hatred for him, to make him feel as wretched as he had done to her.

Every time she closed her eyes, the events of that night replayed in her mind like an incessant movie, a cycle she couldn't break.

Rylie dashed down the stairs behind the stage, skipping two or three steps with each leap, struggling to contain the anger simmering within her. Finnick's remark was minor, but given their past, it was enough to make her blood boil.

As her feet struck the solid ground, she took in her surroundings and noticed the crowds of people returning to the villages of Four, dispersing after the victor's speeches.

"Shit," she muttered, decelerating as the crowd came into view. Approaching the mass, she received a multitude of greetings from district families. Usually, she wouldn't ignore them, but now, all she could manage was to stare at the ground.

Feeling tears beginning to form, she couldn't afford the vulnerability of being comforted by the townsfolk, not when she aspired to care for them and be a role model.

She started weaving through the crowd, murmuring apologies as she nudged her way through, offering the fakest smiles to every child whose eyes lit up at her gaze. Glancing back behind her, she saw Mags standing still, having given up on the chase after her. Eye contact with Mags made Rylie regret her flight reaction from the situation. Upsetting Mags was the last thing she wanted, but confronting her in a state of fury would only cause more distress. She couldn't face her just yet - she knew she meant well.

After battling her way through the crowd, Rylie finally arrived at the victor's village. She dashed to her house and flung the door open with great force. Alone at last, she let out a furious scream, flinging her shoes across the hallway and tearing off her blue blazer as she bolted up the stairs to her bedroom. With the door slammed shut behind her, Rylie felt an overwhelming sense of solitude and sudden silence among the whirlwind of screams. Tears streamed down her face as she stood before her mirror, staring at her reflection with loathing.

She now saw the truth in Finnick's words. How could anyone ever love her when she looked this way

She began to claw at her skin, scrutinizing every inch of her body with revulsion. She couldn't believe she had thought herself as attractive that morning. It was as if she was clad in the world's most hideous outfit. The skirt did not complement her thighs, and the blazer made her shoulders look broad and ungainly. Her mind was a whirlwind of self-critique, relentless and unforgiving. It wasn't the first time she'd felt like this either.

Rylie had been insecure her entire life. The games only made it worse. Being in the eyes of the public set high expectation for what she should look like. Every time on camera, she'd be painted on by a whole group of stylists just to feel 'beautiful'. That only made her feel worse about what was underneath it all. Even before the games, Rylie was still comparing herself to the beauty of the other girls from the other districts. She simply couldn't help it. She'd never be good enough for herself, let alone anyone else.