Saundarya ~ The Epitome Of Sacrifice

Chap 15- Pain

 Chap 15- Pain

The fire, which burns from both sides, can make a forest burn to ashes...

UNEDITED

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Saundarya's POV,

As he went away from there, I felt pain, only pain. It hurt me to see him go away. It hurt me to see him crying, it hurt me to see him bleeding, it hurt me to see him broken, it hurt me to see him walking away, with his back towards me, taking wide steps, striding towards the exit. The lump in my throat let itself loose as I sat down, crying, sobbing, hitting the ground, not knowing the heart seering and skin burning pain that was tearing me apart from within, trying to stab itself deep enough etching a deep blow, a scratch, a wound on the pink flesh, pumping blood throughout.

His words pointed it out, I was the reason for his actions. I made him cry, I made him hurt himself, I was the reason for his 'heart shredding pain'. The pain which connected me to him, but doubtful. Doubtful, on why he and me both felt the throbbing pain of separation. Deep down, somewhere it was known to me, my chance of standing up straight in front of Nallasivan was minimum. His betrayal had hit me hard enough to actually, clearly , with transparency forgive him.

I stood up when tears dried up, leaving nothing but its tracks of history on my cheeks. I stood up, walking out of the water gorge. The splashes of water against the lotus pond was echoing through my brains, making me feel the guilt of hurting his emotions. He was my friend, no, I cannot even categorise our relation. Neither were we friends, nor acquaintances. It was greater, deeper and stronger. There was fear, a fear of facing him again, the fear of calling him out again. The fear of expressing my emotions to him again. He had made my hollow self colourful in the days I spent with him, but his sudden disappearance filled me with darkness anew.

Walking through the sonorous and unlively corridors back to my chamber, I recalled the day when he raced my heart. His five o'clock shadow falling on his jaw, darkening his features and made him look all the more tempting. His slight stubble through his upper lip, lower cheeks and jaw accentuated his manliness. The fierceness in his eyes when he had pinned me down on the bed, made me warm. But all the memories just made me all the more sombre.

Entering into my, no, the given room I noticed all my sarees being folded, along with my luggage, jewellery, and stationary. I looked at Chabili. She had a frown on her face as she said,

"Kunwarsa said, you are going away..Why?..Didn't we appease you?..You were one of our best guests, treated us with respect and care, We all want you to stay, even Kunwarsa....Anyways, we are packing your bags, which saree do you want to wear tomorrow..And.."

She went on and on. Even they wanted me to stay. I had built a bond with all the maids working in the Kamal Bhavan. They were like family, from sitting in the same place and chatting or eating together, we bonded as time unravelled itself. Even their faces held hints of sadness they were unsuccessful in hiding. It made me all the more guilty, but the spark of happiness that started a fire in me was when I thought of the one I wanted to see, the one whom I wished to forgive, my Kanavan[husband], Nallasivan Venkatesh Chakravarty, which makes me Nallasivan Saundarya Chakravarty, the wife of Raja, and the queen of Venkatesh Garh. I hadn't been crowned as the queen as all were waiting for an offspring, but he had never touched me.

I knew we never consummate, not that I know what happens in 'consummation' but I expected him to teach me, but he never did. He did approach me once, but I just said 'I don't know' which somehow had pissed him off. He went away that night and never came back to my chambers at night anymore.