"Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in. Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again."
Lainey Beaumont is your typical girl next door. Kind, charming, and extremely intelligent. She is attending the University of Michigan in hopes...
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"If you want to break my cold, cold heart just say, 'I loved you the way that you were."
~*~*~
Graduation is here. The moment I have been working towards for 4 years. All my hard work and dedication has finally brought me to my goals. I have achieved one of my biggest dreams. I should be happy, should be celebrating.
It's hard to celebrate when I have nothing to look forward to. I'll be home tomorrow. I'll be away from the place that practically raised me. The place that made me who I am. The place I met Luke.
I'll get over this one sided situation eventually. I can't blame Luke for not feeling the same way.
I knew what I was getting into before hand. His reputation was not lost on me when I became his friend. When I allowed myself to fall deeper and deeper into whatever this feeling was.
It's not his fault and yet I can't help but hate him. No calls, no texts. If I was ever truly his friend he would have atleast returned my text.
At this point our friendship will never be the same. All I want is closure, some type of reassurance to know that my thoughts are true. If he only ever thought of me as a hook up then, whatever. I can't blame him for doing what he always does.
It's my job to protect myself. Running out of that room was my way of doing it. I could have went about it better but my senses were so shocked and overwhelmed that my body went on auto and I just ran.
I've never ran from my problems before. That's not who I am but the thought of standing there while Luke does his best to let me down gently made me want to set myself on fire and let my ashes blow away in the wind.
The thing that makes me the most mad is that I miss him. I miss him so fucking much. We spent everyday together for weeks and I started to grow dependent on his constant presence.
He is goofy, funny, gentle, kind, and slightly annoying but he became one of my best friends. At the end of the day if I put aside all the unrequited feelings and the hidden crush, Luke was my best friend.
It's dramatic and I hate myself for feeling so deeply about it but that's who I am. I've always been the person who cares too much and too fully. I can't change my ways, as much as I wish I could.
"Lainey, we have to go." Mark pokes his head in my open door. I've had the door open for hours, I hoped that by seeing everyone else's happiness and joy it would inspire some in myself.
I've been blasting the happiest upbeat music I can find in order to hype myself up.
Allowing myself to take one deep breath to settle the hurt in my chest I turn to Mark with a smile. "You ready?"
"Not at fucking all."
His response makes me laugh for the first time in a long time. That laugh makes me realize that no matter what happens I'll be alright in the end.
"Come on big guy. Let's go graduate."
The two of us leave after I shut and lock my door. Halfway down the hall we meet up with Isobel. She interlocks her arm with mine and matches the smile on my face.
"I'm proud of you."
Instead of responding I just nod, we both know what she means and we can both leave it at that.
~*~*~
The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. I pretty much cried the entire time. The speeches from fellow classmates, the decorations, seeing everyone happy and smiling with their families made it impossible for me to feel anything other than joy.
After everything was finished, everyone dispersed to go and see their families. My family, Mark's family, and Isobel's family were all waiting in the same place for us.
"My sweet girl, come here." I'm wrapped into a bone crushing hug by my parents. My mom is crying and my dad is trying to look like he isn't.
"I'm so proud of you."
My mom, Leanne, is a very emotional person. I love the woman but she is always crying. I could open the lid on a sauce jar and she would burst into tears saying I'm so incredible. I appreciate the support but soemtimes it's just way too much.
"Oh Mark come here." Mark gives me a look over my mom's shoulder. He's used to her water works, I think he truly basks in all her affection.
It's really nice to have all my favorite people in one place. Scanning the area I spot Luke. He's surrounded by his family and he's got two babies slobbering all over his gown. A short blonde woman dotes on the babies and based off the way Luke is looking at her I'm guessing that's Hallyn.
A sad smile takes over my face because not too long ago I imagined I would be over there meeting his family and holding his niece or nephew. I'd make jokes with Hallyn at the expense of Luke.
He catches my eyes from over her head, a soft expression washes over his face the minute he sees me. He holds up his nephews hand and waves with it. I can't help but laugh at the action.
"Who is that?" My dad asks as he comes to stand next to me.
"Nobody."
Lie. Big, huge, fat lie. Luke is more than that. He means more than my words convey.
I can see him scanning my face out of the corner of my eye. My dad has always been really great at reading me and in situations like this I hate it.
"Don't lie to me princess. You're looking at that boy like he hung the moon in your sky."
Turning to my dad and looking away from Luke is surprisingly hard. I just want to stand here and watch them from afar, imagine what it would be like surrounded by that energy.
My sad smile turns watery. "To me he did. But, the moon doesn't matter when we need the sun to survive."
He watches me silently. "The moon means more to our survival than you think, darling."
With a heavy sigh I nod at him. Opening my mouth to speak Isobel cuts us off. Good, my dad doesn't need to know that Luke is the one who got away.
"Lainey, Mark! Mom and dad offered to take us to Olive Garden for dinner!"
Looking over at Mark we both burst into laughter. "Are you really that excited about Olive Garden?"
Isobel's face clouds over. "Don't ruin my happiness, asshat."
"Okay that's enough of you two. Let's get a move on." Isobel's dad shoos everyone away.
Taking a step forward towards my family and friends I take one last look at Luke. My heart stutters in my chest when I notice that he's looking right back at me. I take a minute to drink him in knowing this is the last time I'll probably ever see him. I flash him one last wide smile. One he returns immediately.
I want nothing more than to turn around and run straight into his arms but this is real life. What I want can't happen so instead of following my heart I force my legs to move and I walk away from the only person who's ever felt like home.
