⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ♡ ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
In the mafia world, young boys-age 18-20-are being sold as dolls to everyone who pays well. The boys are well-trained... they are no longer humans, just dolls ready to serve their master.
Kim left the mafia years ago, but on his 23r...
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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ Chay ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
The book in Porchay's hand has more pages read than pages he needs to turn now. He likes this one so much. It doesn't have anything more than a love story but he feels that love is always what he was looking for and finding it inside of those words is a delight to him. He understands now that it wasn't just for any dolls, it wasn't for this at all, in the end, humans seem to all want to be loved.
He wonders if Kim also wants to be loved if he feels like all of those people who share the same need. He wonders if he ever liked someone, and he understands the way love has different shapes; the family one, the friendship one...
Thinking of the family one, he guesses that Kim might only love his brothers, or he supposes but not his father. What about his mother? Porchay wants to know more about Kim, way more because he knows those answers for himself, he stopped loving his parents a long time ago.
In the book, Rose is adoring Neon. And Neon seems to adore Rose too.
He loves so much to discover those emotions in them, he is addicted to this book. It just feels so emotional and interesting to understand how two hearts can begin to communicate and change each other's lives.
Porchay lets his gaze fall on Kim, this one working next to him on his laptop, and he understands how he can get it better than anyone. His home didn't only give him a house to live in, he believes that it is more, more than food, clothes or books. Kim gave him a way to still believe in this world and to still love himself, love himself to the point of not accepting anymore any bad treatment. Thinking back on what he lived through those six years, he agrees that this was mistreatment, torture, but he wouldn't have known without Kim.
He thought that it was the best place he could be at, but the one next to Kim just turned everything upside down.
Porchay is surely so into books because it is a new way to express his own emotions. He was so controlled in the past years that the moment he can just read words and it moves something inside of him by surprise he can't resist the need to let it disintegrate every well-built reflex he had.
Neon has the same effects on Rose, Kim has on him and to be honest, they aren't the same stories at all, not at all, and yet he finds so many moments reminding him of Kim. He is fascinated by the way the mirror of this book isn't reflecting the same thing and yet it feels like or seems to translate partly his own reflection.
Kim changed his life but he also makes his heart beat. When Rose says to his friend that when she sees Neon, the world doesn't worry her anymore that much, Porchay recognises that sensation, the one of not fearing anymore an environment because Kim is around, Kim with him, Kim is holding his head and it feels safer than ever.
He only truly has trouble with how Rose is pushing herself down. He gets her for this too. He also thought that he was the worst ever, he hates himself a lot, he understands how much he hates himself at some points thanks to her and he doesn't know if he can forgive himself for this, he has a kind of resentment, the sensation that he abandoned his own soul on the way, he did it.
