My Temptation

14

J A N E

It's almost time for my date with Mason and I feel like I'm about to throw up, I'm finishing up getting ready and I can't stop sweating. He told me to dress up a little fancy but not over the top, but yet he's still not telling me where we are going. While I'm doing the last few touches on my makeup, I start getting a call from Hayley. I answer and put the phone on speaker.

"It's almost time for your date!" She says excitedly 

"I know. I'm almost ready, did he mention where he's taking me?" I ask. I don't like surprises like that. I always want to be ready for anything.

"No, he didn't even tell Jackson. It must be something really special if he isn't telling anyone." She says and I roll my eyes, cursing to myself.

"I have a weird feeling Hayley." I say sighing 

"What type of weird feeling?" She asks 

"Well I keep getting this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's like something inside me is screaming at me to not go. I don't know why I'm feeling this way." I say applying the last stroke of mascara on my eyelashes 

"It's probably just your nerves Jane. You are starting to move on from Miles and it's making you nervous. I'm 100% sure that nothing is going to happen if you go on this date and give Mason a chance." She says 

"Saying yes to him was giving it a chance, but actually going through with it? That's something deeper. The moment I agreed to going out with him, I started feeling like this. How can you be so sure that this will go well?" I ask putting my makeup away and getting up from my vanity. 

I grab a pair of black strappy heels  from my closet and slip them on before applying perfume. He told me to dress sort of fancy but I don't really have that many fancy looking clothes so I wore a long dark blue dress the hugs my body tightly.

"Because Mason and Jackson are very good friends and Jackson wouldn't be friends with a guy who was a shitty person." She says 

"I guess so. You're right... it's probably just my nerves. But I just can't stop thinking about Miles and what he would be thinking of me going out with him." I say and Hayley smacks her lips in annoyance 

"You need to stop thinking about him. He left you Jane and he never bothered to reach out to you. There's a guy here that wants you and isn't afraid to voice it." She says and I stay quiet for a moment before responding. 

"You're right, I'll stop talking about him." I say grabbing my bags and keys then making my way downstairs.

"You need to stop thinking and  talking about him. He's gone Jane and he's not coming back for you." She says. I feel my phone vibrate and see that Mason sent me a text saying he's on the way.

"Alright Hayley. I heard you the first damn time. Mason is on his way, I'll text you later." I say and hang up in annoyance.

Why is she being so insensitive? What the fuck is wrong with her? I'm trying to voice my feelings and concerns but she's just brushing it under the rug. She's standing up for Mason as if she's know him her whole life. She's know him for as long as I have! I know for a fact that my concerns aren't just nerves about moving on but I can't figure out what it is. It's driving me crazy that I can't figure out my own feelings and emotions. 

Why Miles, why did you have to leave?

I miss you...

•••

After 10 minutes I hear a knock at the front door. I swallow my nerves and shake the thoughts of out my head. I get up off the couch and walk to the door, I take a deep breath in and out before opening the door. Once I open the door, I come face to face with Mason holding a bouquet of flowers. He's wearing a black button up with the sleeves rolled up and black suite pants.

"Hi Jane." He says with a smile and I force a smile on my lips.

"Hi Mason. " I say signaling for him to come in. He walks in and I shut the door behind him. He hands me the flowers and pulls me into a hug.

"I hope you like the flowers." He says nervously as I pull away from the hug after a few seconds. 

"They are beautiful, thank you. I appreciate it." I say as I walk to the kitchen looking for a vase. I hear him follow behind me and I can't help but roll my eyes a little.

I grab a vase and fill it with cold water before placing the flowers in it. I turn to Mason and catch him staring at me. "You look beautiful." He says and I give him a genuine smile this time.

"Thank you Mason. You look very handsome yourself. I like your black button up." I say walking closer to him then gliding my hand down his arm feeling the fabric of the shirt.

"I was hoping you would. Are you ready to go?" He asks and I nod

We make our way out of the kitchen and out the door. He puts his hand on my lower back and guides me down to his car, he then unlocks it and opens the passenger door for me. I get in and he closes it. He gets in the car and speeds away as I watch the sight of my home disappear in the review mirror. 

After a few moments of silence, he finally speaks up breaking the awkward silence.

"Do you finally want to know where I'm taking you?" He asks. I turn to him and nod my head, "Yes please. I've been wondering all day." I say with a small chuckle 

"I'm taking you the Steakhouse restaurant on the Chicago River." He says with a sly smirk

"A steakhouse restaurant on the Chicago River?! Are you talking about Smith & Wollensky?" I ask shocked. 

"That's the one." He says with a smile 

"How the hell did you manage to get a reservation there that quickly? You asked me out yesterday! I heard it's almost impossible to get a reservation without at least 2 weeks ahead of time." I say 

"Well one of my childhood friends, his father is the head manager there so all I had to do was call him directly." He says 

"Oh wow, that's pretty amazing. I can't believe it." I say 

"You're pretty amazing, and, you'll be even more shocked when you see the view we have. I got us a table right by the window so we'll be able to see the river." He says and I smile widely at him

"You're amazing for that. You know, that restaurant is the place that my father proposed to my mother at. She always talked about how it was the number one most romantic night with him. He went above and beyond for her 24/7." I say smiling at the memory of my mom telling me that story for the first time ever 

"Well your father sounds like a great man and your mother sounds like she was great too." He says smiling resting his arm on the center console. I place my hand on his arm in a gentle and comforting way.

"She really was. She was the best." I say feeling my eyes fill with tears but I quickly dry them not wanting to ruin my makeup.

We continue small talk as we make our way to the restaurant. Once we get there and get our table, I can't help but feel some sort of excitement. Not just about eating here but the fact that Mason immediately planned this night when I said yes to him. He didn't waste anytime. The bad feeling that I was feeling earlier completely vanished as if they were never there. I'm going to let this guy in and I will give him a chance.

A real one.

•••

M I L E S 

I make my way out the door of my apartment and go down to my car. I get in my car and drive off. Once I get to my destination, I get out of the car and let out a deep sigh as I stare at the field of tombstones. I walk across the graveyard until I get to my sister's tombstone. A fresh set of flowers are placed on top of it which let's me know that my father was here. The thought makes my stomach turn but I push those feelings aside, I'm not here for him. I'm here for my sister.

I place my flowers next to his and kneel on the ground. I kiss the tips of my fingers then place them on the tombstone trying to keep my composure. I haven't cried about her death in a long time, ever since my father forced us to go to therapy. Everyone made me feel like I had to move on and stop grieving after therapy, so I did. 

"Hey sis." I say in a low tone voice, "I've been back home for a little while now and I finally got the courage to come visit you." I say. I sit there in silence for what seemed like forever before I finally spoke up again. 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come here. I wish I had a good excuse... but I don't. There isn't a single excuse in the world that would be good enough though." I say getting off my knees and sitting down with my legs crossed. I rest my elbows on my legs and rest my chin on my fists.

"I miss you so much Allison. I know that I haven't come to visit you in forever but I want you to know that I think about you every single day. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish and pray that you were still here being the annoying little sister." I say suddenly feeling a teardrop fall on my cheek. 

I let out a small gasp as I bring my hand to my face and wipe it off. 

"I'm finally crying." I say feeling more tears roll down my face. 

"I cry all the time still." I hear a voice say from behind me and the voice causes my heart to drop. I remember that voice as the voice I heard my entire life until my sister died. I whip my head around and see my mom standing there with flowers in her hand. 

"M- mom?!" I say standing up so quickly that I lose my balance and almost fall but I catch myself. 

"Hi Miles, hi my sweetheart." She says coming to me and placing her hand on my face wiping my tears with her thumb gently. Without saying anything else I grab her and pull her into a hug so tightly.

Is this a dream? Am I imagining this? I squeeze her tighter to make sure that she's real. 

"I'm here baby." She says hugging me back. I can hear small sobs coming from her causing me to start crying too. After a few minutes of us hugging and crying, I pull away and stare at her.

"You're here? I can't believe this. How is this possible?" I say 

"I came back here a two years ago. I finally stopped drinking for good and I wanted to come back here but I haven't been able to get into contact with your father to be able to see you. " She says wiping her face as she places her flowers next to mine.

"What happened mom? Dad took you to rehab and then you just disappeared. I never saw you again." I say still not being able to believe that she's here.

"Well yes, your father did actually take me to rehab, he didn't just ship me off somewhere. I was there for 9 months sobering up and I did get sober. I was doing much better so they released me. But I had to stay in a sober house for a few more months then when I left that house and was getting ready to come back here... everything that happened hit me again but a million times harder and I got bad again." She says with a sadness in her voice. 

"So that's why you never came home?" I ask and she nods 

"I couldn't come back home to you and be worse than I was before. It took me so long and so many times in rehab to finally not relapse. It was the worst times of my life,  not only being that way after your sister dying but also abandoning you.. I couldn't forgive myself for that. But now, I've been sober for a long time and I've been seeing a therapist. It's been so good for me, of course I still cry a lot from your sister passing but I'm not drinking anymore. Instead I turn to music, reading, running and writing. My therapist told me that writing down my feelings in a journal is a great way to deal with my emotions and she's right." She says and I smile at her feeling my heart fill with so much sadness for everything that she went through 

"I'm so sorry mom. I'm so sorry that you went through all of that alone." I say and she shakes her head.

"I should be the one apologizing for abandoning you with that man you have to call a father. I am so sorry for never coming back for you. I wish I could take that back and do it all over again." She says sadly

"Mom I completely understand why you did what you did. I forgive you with my whole heart and I don't want you to blame yourself at all." I say and she nods pulling my face down and kissing my head 

"My sweet boy. I've missed you so much and I thought about you every single moment. I wanted to reach out and talk to you every day but I always got afraid that you wouldn't want to speak to me. It thought you hated me." She says 

"That could never happen mom, I could never in a million years hate you. You were always in my thoughts and prayers, I always hoped that you were okay. I could never not forgive you." I say and she hugs me tightly. I hug her back and everything around us goes quite. 

Something that was buried deep in my heart for years finally disappeared and everything feels okay now. 

We pull away from the hug and we both turn to my sisters tombstone. My mother leans down and kisses the top of it. I kiss my hand again then place it on top. We stand there in silence for a moment before we start making our way back.

"Where did you park?" I ask as we get to my car.

"I didn't drive here. I live in the apartments up the road because I wanted to be close to her." She says 

"Let's get some lunch then." I say and she nods happily. She gets in the passenger seat of my car and I get in then drive off. 

Everything is okay now

Except for Jane...