My Temptation

25

J A N E 

The drive was long and quite, the radio wasn't even on. All we listened to was the sound of the rain hitting the windows and the other cars on the road. I was a nervous wreck the entire drive, I've been feeling the biggest knot in the pit of my stomach since last night when my father said I can come with him today. 

I honestly don't even know what to expect when we get there. I don't even know if I'm allowed to see him. What if he didn't put me on the allowed visitors list? 

My father pulls into the parking lot and before we get out of the car, we sit in silence for a moment before he speaks up.

"Are you ready?" He asks 

"No... but let's go." I say and get out of the car, swinging my purse over my shoulder.

He gets out and follows next to me. I can't take my eyes off of the building as we walk in. I have never been here before and I never thought I would have to be.

My father follows the lead and we walk into the building, the place is oddly quite and I hate that. For some reason, the quietness makes things worse.

The front desk employees look miserable but I can't blame them. Working in a jail sounds horrible. My father walks up to the desk and begins speaking with the woman, my mind starts spinning and I can't help but look all over the room. I look at every wall, every chair, every corner. 

"Ma'am!" I hear loudly, pulling me out of my thoughts. My head snaps to the front and I make eye contact with the woman. I look at her name badge - Helen. 

"Uhm I'm sorry. What do you need?" I ask stepping up closer to the desk.

"Your ID please." She says and I nod my head, quickly pulling out my wallet and taking out my ID, handing it to her.

She takes it and starts looking it over then scans it into her computer. She keeps my ID in her hand as she grabs a piece of paper from a file and starts looking through it.

"And your relationship to the inmate?" She asks 

"Girlfriend... I'm his girlfriend." I say with a shaky breath 

She hands my ID back to me and hands me a another piece of paper. "You're on the list. Please sign and date at the bottom. Then you'll need to be searched, as well as your bag." She says and my heart fills with warmth.

I'm on the list. He wants me here.

I can see him... I can finally see him.

I grab the pen, sign and date it then hand it back to her. She scans that into the computer as well. My father and I walk off to the security check. He takes his wallet, keys and phone out of his pockets then places them in a bin and walks through the metal detector with his hands up, then a security officer uses a hand held metal detector on him again. I do the same thing and once we are cleared, we get our things back and walk quickly to the meeting area.

A security officer takes us to designated meeting area and we sit at a circular table while the security officer stands over by the wall. The table and seats are cold and they feel dirty. A few moments later I hear a loud door swing open and some foot steps along with metal clinking. I look up and see Miles in an orange jumpsuit with his hands cuffed in front of him as another security officer is walking behind him, gripping his arm.

My heart immediately drops and I lose all the air in my lungs. He looks miserable, his face is full of hair and his eyes look exhausted but the second his eyes land on me, his whole face lightens up. I can feel tears form in my eyes but I quickly dry them and stand up from the table, I go to hug him but my father grabs my arm. 

"You can't touch him. It's not allowed." He says and I sigh sadly, sitting back down. Miles gets to the table and sits down, placing his cuffed hands on the table. The three of us sit there in silence, staring at each other for several long minutes. 

Suddenly, it's like I don't even know how to talk to him. What do you even say to your boyfriend who's in jail?

My father finally breaks the silence and speaks up, "Miles, how are you doing?" He asks and I turn to look at Miles but he's already staring at me. 

"I've been better." He says averting his eyes to my father. I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to speak.

"I miss you so much Miles." I say trying to keep my voice from cracking. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes but he smiles.

"I miss you Jane, I miss you so much." He says

"Do you want me to bring you anything? Am I even allowed to do that?" I ask looking at my father and he nods. 

"No no, I'm okay Jane. The only thing I need is to get out of here." He says 

"I'm working on it Miles, I promise. You just have to keep your head down in here, don't piss anyone off, especially any of the guards." My father says is a hushed tone. 

"I'm trying but I don't know how much longer I can handle it in here. I've barley slept since I've been in here. I'm losing my fucking mind!" Miles says, I can hear the anger in his voice. 

We sit in silence for several long seconds again before my father turns to me, handing me his car keys. "Go to the car and wait for me inside it." He says, I look at him confused and shake my head.

"No! I want to stay here. I haven't seen Miles in so long, and we just got here." I say 

"Jane, go to the car. I need to discuss things with Miles and you can't be here to hear it." He says sternly. I look at Miles and he looks at me with pleading eyes. 

"Fine, whatever. I'll be in the car."  I say standing up from the table. Before I turn to walk off, Miles speaks up.

"I love you Jane. Please don't forget me." He says 

"I could never forget about you Miles. I love you so much."  I say, using my hand to blow him a kiss then I walk away. 

I walk back out to the main lobby, feeling tears form in my eyes and I run outside to the car before beginning to sob hysterically. I get in the car, slamming the door shut and locking it. I cover my face with my hands and scream until my throat gives out.

I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.

•••

It's been almost an hour and I've just been sitting in the car, tears are streaming down my face but I can't cry anymore. I stare out the window when I finally see my father walking out of the building, hands in his jacket pockets and he's looking down at the ground as he walks. 

When he gets in the car, he doesn't say a single word. He just starts up the car and pulls out quickly, starting to drive back home. I just stare at him in disbelief.

"What the actual hell was that about dad? Why did you make me leave? What did you have to talk about with Miles that was so secretive?" I say angrily 

"I can't tell you Jane. I can't tell anyone and neither can he. At least not yet." He says and I scoff 

"That makes no sense. Why can't you tell me? I'm your daughter and his girlfriend!" I say 

"Jane! Enough! I talked to him about how I'm going to get him out of there, I didn't want you to be there to hear that." My father yells

I go silent as he just continues to drive, I stare out the window and watch the rain the rest of the drive back. 

The rain is worse than usual which causes traffic to be worse than usual. The drive back takes longer than it should and the silence is piercing. I reach into my bag and pull out my headphones, about to put then in before my father breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you Jane, I didn't mean to. But you couldn't be in there when I talked to Miles about what's going to happen. I promise you though that you will find out soon." He says not taking his eyes off the road. 

"Alright. Whatever you say dad." I say dryly before putting my headphones in and playing music. 

When we finally get home, I get out of the car and walk ahead of my father. I unlock the door and rush inside but before I can get upstairs, my father calls my name.

"Jane please!" He yells and I turn to him angrily

"What?!" I yell throwing my hands up in the air 

"How much longer are you going to hate me for this?!" He says and I can tell he's hurt and sad, but so the hell am I. 

"Do you really not realize how badly you messed up his life and my life?" I yell and he just looks at me, not being able to say anything so I speak again. "You  pushed him to do it dad! You involved him in your fucking life and now he's stuck in that hell hole for God knows how long! I had just gotten him back and now he's gone again!" I yell tears forming in my eyes again.

"I know that but I have apologized a hundred times already Jane! You have no idea what I'm trying to do to get him out." He says and I scoff at him, shaking my head.

"If you never involved him in your little life style dad, we wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be in there. And I don't hate you, I could never hate you. But I've lost my respect for you and I don't know if I could ever truly forgive you." I say, turning around and running upstairs to my room. 

I slam the door shut, locking it then changing into a sweat suit and throwing myself in bed. I lay under the covers and bury my face in the pillow. 

I hate being angry with my father and I hate arguing with him, but I can't fathom what he did. Him involving Miles in his "business" is the worst thing he's ever done. Even if he does get Miles out, I don't know if things could ever be normal again. 

I mean, were things ever normal to begin with? I fell in love with someone I wasn't supposed to... my bodyguard.