My Temptation

26

J A N E

It's been three days since we visited Miles in jail and it's been a horrible three days. I mean, seeing him in that state, cuffed and looking tired and miserable has sent me into a deep sadness that I'm trying to climb out of but I can't.

Everything is just getting worse and worse. My father has been doing secretive things in his office since we got back and it's driving me insane that he isn't telling me anything and that he hasn't told me the conversation he had with Miles when we went to go visit him. Every night when my father leaves his office room, he locks the door which he's almost never done before. It's strange and it's worrying me.

Why the hell is he being so secretive? What is he trying to hide from me?

As I sit in my room with all these thoughts running through my head, I hear a loud knocking coming from downstairs. I walk out of my room and rush down the stairs, swinging the door open I come face to face with the one person I never wanted to see again.

"What the hell are you doing here Hayley?" I ask leaning against the door frame

"Jane please just let me in. I need to explain, I need you to hear me. Please!" She begs with tears

"That's what you need? You want to know what I needed? YOU! I needed you, the girl who was supposed to be my best friend. I needed you and you were no where to be found. You were out there betraying me. ME!" I say angrily 

"And I hate myself for that. So much. I have been beating myself up for that everyday. Jane please, please I'm so sorry and I just want to explain." She says and I can hear the desperation in her voice.

I stand there for a moment in silence, tapping my foot and staring at her. After a few seconds, I roll my eyes and move to the side, holding my arm out, gesturing her to come in.

She gives me a hopeful but weak smile and walks in, I slam the door behind her and stand there, my arms crossed over my chest.

Hayley stands in the middle of the living room with her back faced towards me and I can tell she's holding in her tears by the shaking of her body. 

"Hayley, turn around and look at me . You came all the way over here to beg for me to hear you so at least look at me when you speak to me." I say harshly. Maybe a little too harsh.

But I don't care enough to apologize.

She turns around and looks at me with red teary eyes. "Jane, you have no idea how sorry I am for what I did. I know that there is nothing I could possibly say to justify my betrayal." She says and I scoff.

"So why are you here?" I ask, giving her a mean but confused look.

"I just wanted you to hear me and hear how sorry I truly am. Even if you don't forgive me and even if we don't become friends again. I just... I just want you to hear me." She says sitting on the arm rest of the chair, her hands on her knees.

I walk to where she is and sit on the couch across from her. I gesture with my hand for her to speak. She takes a deep, shaky breath and nods.

"I had met Mason way before you did, even before Miles starting working as your bodyguard. And I was immediately attracted to him, I wanted to be with him so badly but I could tell he did not feel that way about me. I don't know what it was that pulled me to him and I still don't, but whatever it was, it was strong as hell." She says and I let out a small and quiet scoff 

"He was an attractive and charming guy. At first." I say 

"You're right. Anyways, I tried for months to get him to feel something back for me but nothing worked. I craved his attention so badly. I wanted his love and affection more than anything and the more I wasn't getting it, the sadder and more desperate I became." She says and I stare at her confused.

"Hayley, you're the most beautiful girl. You could have gotten the attention and love you wanted from any guy." I say and she nods, laughing to herself. Mostly laughing at  herself.

"I was stupid and I was blind to every other guy. I didn't want any one else's attention." She says 

"Why?" I ask and she shrugs slightly. "I really wish I knew." She says and looks down for a moment, fiddling with the bracelet around her wrist. It's a bracelet I had gotten her for her birthday two years ago.

"But then something changed one day, back then, I didn't know what came over him but he just started to reciprocate those feelings to me. I never felt so happy, I was so overjoyed and I became so blinded by his attention. I didn't care about anything else. I did notice that there was something... something off but I didn't pay much attention to it. I was just happy he finally liked me back. And then.. he mentioned you and I was taken aback. I hadn't mentioned you before so I was so confused on how he knew your name." She says and that peaks my interest. 

I push myself off from the back of the couch and sit up on the edge of the couch. "You didn't question that at all?" I ask 

"I did actually and he used some bullshit excuse, he said he had heard one of his family members talking about you and he started asking around his college. And of course the one person who knew who you were was Jackson. So Jackson told him who you were and that's why he brought up your name to me. He said he wanted to meet you and get to know you. I was so angry and confused, I was hurt most of all because I thought he liked me." She says and I cut her off before she says anything else

"Did Jackson not think it was weird that Mason just randomly asked about me? Out of the fucking blue?" I ask throwing my hands up in the air

"I don't know, I really don't know Jane. Jackson never told me what he thought and I never asked. Please don't ask me why, I was stupid and I was hurt." She pleads and I let out a deep, frustrated sigh before nodding my head for her to continue.

"I got angry at Mason for wanting to meet you, I yelled, cried and screamed at him. And that's when his manipulation started, his small little tactics of making it seem like I was the problem for being angry. He knew how bad I had it for him and he knew I would've done anything to make him happy and to keep him wanting me. So he said that if I really loved him and wanted to make him happy then I would do anything he asked. He used every manipulation tactic on me and it worked. I was so weak and gullible." She says 

"So that's when you started bringing him up to me? Wanting me to meet him?" I ask and she nods 

"Yes. It took some time of him convincing me to do so but he finally broke through me and got me to do it. Then as things progressed with you and him, he kept reminding me that it was nothing serious and it was just something he was supposed to do for his family. He just kept mentioning his stupid family and he kept saying how I was the only one he really wanted." She says as tears begin welling up in her eyes but she quickly blinks them away.

She stands up, crossing her arms over her chest and walks over to the window. Leaning against the wall and staring out the window, watching the rain pour. 

"You loved him and he pretended to love you to get what he wanted." I say and I hear a small sob escape from her mouth.

"Then it  happened. Your attack. And when I heard that it was him..." She says, her voice cracking in the end 

My eyes begin to tear up as well as I remember that day.

I remember that day like it was just yesterday. I remember every detail, every hit and slap. I remember the look on his face... when he was on top of me and choking me, trying to take the life from me.

"Why.. uhm why didn't you come to the hospital Hayley?" I ask, feeling hurt now instead of angry. 

"I went absolutely crazy when I heard about what happened to you and I went even more crazy when I found out that it was him. He came to me after you left the hospital and I swear I almost killed him. Or at least I wanted to. I screamed at him and told him that I never want to see him again, I never want to speak to him and I hope the worst of worst happens to him. And then he- he smacked me across the face, so hard that I almost fell to the floor." She says and I gasp

I jump off the couch, rush up to her and turn her around. "What?! He hit you too?" I yell

"Only once. Nothing compared to what that asshole did to you Jane. He was about to hit me again when Jackson walked in and caught him. I don't think I've ever seen Jackson so angry before. He grabbed a baseball bat and charged at Mason, threatening him. Mason ran out, scared shitless like a little baby. He listened to me though, I never saw or heard from him again." She says 

"Hitting you once is just as bad Hayley. No man should ever hit a woman." I say and she scoffs 

"Jane, he hit me once but he almost killed you. What he did to you is far worse than anything he ever did to me." She says and I shake my head, grabbing her hands and holding them tightly.

"He used you, he knew you had a weakness for him and he used that to his advantage. He manipulated and lied to you. He hurt you both emotionally and physically. We were both hurt by the same guy." I say and she nods, tears rolling down her face

"I was too ashamed with myself to go and see you. I felt so much guilt and I felt like it was my fault for what happened to you. I couldn't face you Jane. I couldn't go and see you when it was my fault that you even met Mason in the first place. If it wasn't for me, none of this would've happened." She says 

"Hayley listen... I'm not saying I can forgive you just yet but you need to listen to me now. This is not your fault. You loved a guy who pretended to love you to get what he wanted. He used the love you had for him to his advantage and he dug deep into that weak spot you had for him. He lied to you, manipulated you and used you. You did not know what he was planning to do to me, you just wanted to make the man you loved happy. You didn't tell him to go on and attack me." I say 

"But I shouldn't have listened to him. I shouldn't have done what he asked for." She says as more tears roll down her face, her body shaking as she tries to hold in her sobs.

I don't say anything else, I just wrap my arms around her, embracing her in a tight hug. She finally breaks down in loud, uncontrollable sobs. I've never seen or heard anyone cry like this. She shakes so much that she can't hold herself up anymore. She falls to the floor and I go down with her, not letting go of her. 

I can't stop myself from crying either. 

And soon enough, my ex best friend and I sit there crying over the same man.