LANA MASON
Nested in Harry's bed, I'm wide awake as I watch him from behind, tucking his white undershirt into his trousers before securing his belt around his waist. He slips one arm into the sleeve of his chef's jacket, then the other. He rakes his fingers through his hair before sitting on the edge of his low bed to step into his shoes. It should get easier to watch him leave so early in the morning, but I always wish he could stay with me longer.
"What are you and Jane going to do today?" He speaks quietly and looks over at me while I hug the pillow he slept on.
"I'm not sure," I match his soft tone even though it's just the two of us here. "It's so cold that I was hoping I could convince her to stay in, but she'll probably want to go out and I don't blame her."
"Mm," he stops to turn back and face me more, looking me over as I lie closer to his side of the bed with his sweater on. Out of nowhere, he says, "I've never fallen for someone so fast."
The unexpected remark practically gives me a hot flash as I feel the words sink down into the pit of my stomach. I had actually been thinking lately about how quickly we got together and exchanged the "L" word. Part of me is a little bit worried that maybe it all happened too soon, but I'm not forcing anything. I only said it because I felt it, and I'm assuming it was the same for him when he dropped that phrase on me.
"Me either," I confess. "Is it normal?"
He laughs and lovingly swipes his thumb over my cheek. "I'm not sure, but I don't think it matters. Can't do anything about it anyway."
I smile knowing that we're on the same page of hopelessness when it comes to how we feel about each other. "True."
His soft smile remains as he leans over to brush the tip of his nose over mine before he kisses me three times. "I'll see you later."
"I love you," I whisper while the words are still for only the two of us to hear.
"I love you," he mumbles just as lowly, kissing me once more before he stands from the bed and wishes me a good day.
There's no going back to sleep for me now, but I still close my eyes as I hear the front door close, followed by depressing silence. Now that it's November, it's like my body is physically trying to prepare for what it knows is coming soon. The problem is, I don't know what's coming soon. I know it won't be good, but I don't know just how bad it will be and I won't know until it happens. That's the worst part.
For the next two hours, I fall in and out of consciousness as I consider what will be the best way to tell Allison before my alarm goes off. I reluctantly get out of bed and change into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt underneath a striped sweater of mine. I'd keep wearing Harry's if I could, but I can't.
I use a claw clip to secure my hair off my neck and brush my teeth in the bathroom, randomly opting to put a bit more effort into my makeup today. It's subtle, but I lightly contour my cheekbones and use a berry blush to make me look a bit more alive. I keep my lips simple with clear minty gloss, and all I need to do now is slip my jacket on before I brave the cold to head to the subway.
With my headphones in, I exit the building and shove my hands in my pockets, listening to Bleachers on shuffle as I walk the familiar path to the station. The icy wind is sobering and forces my eyes to water until I'm underground and come to a slow stop down the center of the platform.
SoHo seems to be just a bit quieter this morning for whatever reason, but it's nice. I don't feel as overwhelmed by too many people all around me as I walk to the usual coffee shop I go to every morning when I'm on this side of the city. I think at least one of the baristas has started to recognize me by now.
