LANA MASON
I feel like I'm a kid again as I hear knuckles rapping quietly on my childhood bedroom door. I'm curled up on my full-sized bed, buried under my duvet and a blanket I've had since I really was a kid. I don't reply to the knock, but my mom creaks the door open anyway and lets herself in with a plate of breakfast. This will be her third attempt to get me to eat.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
I shake my head on my pillow.
"Sleeping didn't help?"
And again.
She sighs as she sits down on the edge of my bed, setting the miniature chocolate chip waffles, scrambled eggs, and bacon on my nightstand. "Honey, it makes me so sad to see you like this."
It's only been barely 24 hours since the whole event happened, so that's not good. If she's sad to see me like this now, I wonder how sad she's going to be to see me like this for the rest of my life.
"Have you spoken to Harry yet?"
"He called me last night," my voice is sore from the lack of use. "After he went to Allison's."
"And?"
Despite my headache from crying all night, my eyes start welling up again and I'm shocked that I even have anything left to give. "I didn't ask him what she said but I didn't have to. She told me what her plan was and I'm sure he believes her after she kept Jane with her yesterday."
The corners of my mom's jaw flex as she looks out my window at the dull grey natural light coming in. "Well, I don't fucking understand what the big deal is. She cheated on him and they both decided to end their relationship. Why is she acting like he cheated on her, dumped her, and then started dating you?"
Great question.
"I don't know, but I know that all of it has to be over," I already regret speaking that last thought out loud, but it needs to be done. "She doesn't want me and Harry to be together and if us breaking up might change her mind about keeping her arrangement with him so that he still gets Jane every other week, then that's what needs to happen."
Her brows start to pinch together as her eyes travel all over my face. "That's not fair."
I almost laugh at the very obvious statement. "It doesn't matter if it's fair, Mom. I'm not about to keep dating Harry while he's not even allowed to see his daughter because I couldn't keep my hands to myself. This whole thing is my fault–"
"Lana, it's not like you forced him to be in a relationship with you against his will," she quickly reminds me. "You both knew that there would likely be consequences for what you did, and you both went ahead with it anyway. Please don't blame yourself."
She might have a point, but I can't see this in any other way than with me at fault. Harry quite literally resisted at first. Yes, he kissed me back, but he said it wasn't a good idea and what did I do? I practically begged him to change his mind. None of this would be happening if I didn't insert myself where I didn't belong.
"I just keep thinking about Jane," my voice gets weaker as I cover my face to cry more. "She ripped her away from me and that broke my heart."
My mom leans over to kiss the top of my head before hugging me the best she can while I'm lying down like this. I miss Harry–of course, I miss Harry–but picturing Jane wondering about what happened and why her mom said that she's never going to see me again for the rest of her life makes me feel sick to my stomach. Why did she have to say it like that? Why couldn't she have just said that I'm not going to be working there anymore and let me say goodbye like a normal person?
