Rebound

12⚠️

⚠️Sensitive content in this chapter. Content includes topics of mental health and emotional wellbeing. As well as topics of death, suicide, and grief.⚠️
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After talking with Lan Zhan, Baoshan returned and she immediately had me start a healing routine. She had me drink this horrible herbal medicine and I was to sit and soak in a medical bath for five hours a day after I took that medicine. I was currently in that bath and I was alone for privacy. Spending five hours alone in a bath had me really thinking about some things. Something Lan Zhan said to me stuck out specifically.

"What is so great about being a light bearer when I almost lost my light the day I almost lost you?" I remember him saying.

Truth be told, I am not used to letting anyone this close to me. My shijie and Wen Qing were the only people I could really trust but I had some trust in Lan Zhan. I had always thought that because of my behavior from when we first met, that he couldn't stand me. I even thought he wanted to take me to Gusu just to punish me. All I could think was, "Do you really hate me that much that you wish to punish me? I take a path that I know no one will accept but I never expected Lan Zhan of all people to be so hard on me."

I found myself crying just thinking about it. This entire time I had him wrong. I thought so terribly wrong about him. How could he possibly still want me when I was so oblivious and stupid?

"Wei Ying?" I heard Lan Zhan call for me, "are you alright?"

I sniffled and cleared my throat, "I'm fine," I lied, "nothing to worry about."

"May I come in?" He asked, "I'd like to see if you are telling the truth."

"How is seeing me going to prove that?" I asked.

"Please?" He asked.

"Are you that greedy to see me naked?" I asked in a teasing tone.

"I won't do anything to you," he said, "especially when you are hurt this much."

I knew Lan Zhan wouldn't give up no matter what I said so I gave up, "fine, do whatever you want. Like you listen to me anyway."

Lan Zhan rounded the privacy screen and sat on a bench next to it, "normally I would, but I can tell something is wrong."

"How?" I asked.

"It's...strange but...it began happening after I first kissed you at Mount Baifeng...and it only seems to get stronger the more I am with you...it's like I can feel or sense your emotions. It's like a bond is starting to form between us," he explained.

"If that's the case, how come I don't feel that with you?" I asked.

"Maybe you are blocking it out," he suggested, "have you tried to get more in tune with your senses?"

"It's been hard to do that with low cultivation," I told him, "and the fact that the resentful energy in me is very docile right now. It's like it isn't wanting to help me with anything right now."

"Maybe it's because you are healing. Baoshan said it might affect that side of you for a while," he said.

I nodded, "so what did you want?" I asked.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright," he said, "I could sense that there was something wrong. It might be that you are in a hot bath but your eyes look a bit puffy...like you've been crying."

I hung my head back and chuckled quietly and looked out the window beside the bath, "I have never been better," I said sarcastically, "wonderful."

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said softly, "Will you please be open with me? What is wrong?"

This time I looked right into his pale golden eyes. I felt warm just looking into them. He was actually very concerned for me, "it's just..." I sighed and looked away from him again...Gahh!! Why is it so hard to talk to this man?!

"Just what?" Lan Zhan asked.

I couldn't help but look back at him and felt the tears coming back, "I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you," I said, "I was thinking about some things. I thought back about how I was so annoying when we were younger and how I got you wrong this entire time. After you called me Wei Wuxian that day, I felt my heart break...I felt I had to push you away because I felt you wouldn't want me for what I was...what I still am," I sobbed, "it hurts me a lot more than you can possibly know. When you tried to save me from falling from that cliff, I felt I had a small glimmer of hope but the moment Jiang Cheng swung his sword, I knew it was too good to be true...I had to let go..or you would have died too...I was hoping that fall would have killed me so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore."

I completely broke down. I have never once in my life cried like this and even talked about this before with anyone. I realized I just dumped everything on Lan Zhan. Next thing I know, I felt arms wrapping firmly around me in a comforting embrace. I was hit was the spicy scent of sandalwood and I even had my face shoved into this person's neck.

"Lan Zhan, I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No need to apologize to me," I heard him say, "you being alive is enough for me, being able to hug you and comfort you like this is enough for me. It's going to be alright, Wei Ying."

"You forgive me?" I asked.

"Always," he said, "after seeing your past, it had me realize that you had a hard time being accepted for who you are. I was annoyed at first when we met, but I don't want to change anything about you. I fell in love with you, after all."

"I didn't know you were so warm," I said.

"You are in a hot bath and you are cold?" He asked. I could feel his smugness coming through too.

"Do you know how easy it is for me to get cold these days?" I asked.

He pulled out of the hug and looked at me, "right...sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I said, "I am very bored though...are you uncomfortable with being in here?"

"No," he answered.

"Sorry about your robes," I said.

"They will dry," he said, "you are more important than dry clothes."

I felt a smile forming on my lips, "So if I asked you to stay, would you?"

"Of course," he said.

"And if I asked you to play for me?" I asked.

"Of course I will," he said and took out his guqin, "I will always play for you."

He then began to play that beautiful song he played for me in Xuanwu's cave. It's a song that I have long loved and I will forever love. Lan Zhan stayed and played for me for almost the rest of my time in the medical bath. I was grateful for that. He then decided he'd play for me for each bath I took...turns out, it speads up the healing process. Gusu music is truly very unique.