Rebound

4

~*This story is mostly told in Wuxian's POV. There may be occasional POV changes though*~
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I laid awake for most of the night awake in a daze. Lan Zhan kissed me. He kissed me not once but twice. That one moment I thought was a scared young maid, but it was instead Lan Zhan. He was indeed terrified, I could tell by how much he was shaking. He was shaking a lot on our second kiss too. I didn't know if it was a good idea to let him get close. I hurt him enough and he hurt me enough. With A'Yuan though, we are kind of a package deal now. A'Yuan may have been scared of Lan Zhan at first but A'Yuan soon realized that he was nice and adored him.

I don't know how to get out of this without any of us getting hurt now. It took a lot of courage for Lan Zhan to confess to me like that, and even feared rejection because I may not have felt the same. I always wanted to at least be friends with him, but now that I felt his lips on mine twice, I felt addicted. It's like I wanted more but I couldn't just say so. I never thought of myself as gay because I was always flirting with girls but I tease Lan Zhan all the time. I only now realized that my teasing could come off as flirting.

That moment in the cave, he told me I shouldn't flirt with someone if I don't mean anything. I now understand. I must have lead him on so much and it was getting harder for him to keep it to himself. That moment about MianMian too. He did look at me like I was dumb. How long has he been harboring feelings for me and how deep do they go?

I laid away all night just thinking about it. I didn't sleep a wink. I dressed into fresh robes just after the morning bells rang. I am still going to remain hidden. Lan Zhan or maybe his brother will soon arrive with breakfast for me...I still don't have a good appetite. It has been pretty bad since Wen Chao threw me into the Mounds. No matter what I eat, it's hard to keep down. So far rice is fine and the very bitter Lan healthy soup they make. It's better than nothing. Hopefully over time I will get my appetite back.

In the meantime, I sat down at the table in the main room of the Gentian house and held out Chenqing. I still had my flute and sword in my presence, as well as all of my scriptures. I didn't want the wrong people to get their hands on them. Whoever altered Chenqing is the one I am concerned about. I don't think I can do anything about that person, not only until I find them, but I need to find a way to get strength back.

Lan Zhan probably doesn't trust me with it but demonic cultivation is all I have now. It doesn't affect me like it did others. Somehow it is okay with me. There are times where it can get too overwhelming but I have survived this long with it. I just want someone who can trust me unconditionally no matter what I do. I don't know of Lan Zhan can be that person yet, but I want him to be.

"Wei Ying?" Speaking of the man.

"Come in, Lan Zhan," I replied. He entered with a basket in his hand and sat down at the table with me, "what is all this?"

"Breakfast," He answered.

"You should know, I don't eat well," I warned, "I have lacked a proper appetite for a long time. Wen Qing used to force me to eat...only for me to...get sick later."

"How long have you been this way?" He asked. I didn't answer as I could tell by the look on his face that he had an idea but he just wants me to confirm it. He sighed, "just eat what you can and maybe we can have you see a healer later to see if there is anything we can give you."

"I appreciate that but I don't want to see a healer," I told him.

"Please Wei Ying," he begged.

"If the healer is Wen Qing, then I'd be happy to accept," I said loudly, "but she is dead. She knew how my body worked as she was the one who removed my core. She mapped out my spiritual pathways that she could easily find out what was wrong with me. If you can bring her back, I'd gladly see a healer."

Lan Zhan stared at me for a long moment before speaking, "I tried to stop it you know...but I was held back. I tried to help her...but no one would listen to me."

"Yet you want me to continue to stay here inside the walls of a sect who allowed her to die?" I asked, "I accept your feelings Lan Zhan but I cannot be bound to a sect. I also cannot ask you to walk away from yours. You can keep A'Yuan safe. I need to do this on my own and one day I will return."

"Why are you so determined to push me away when I want to be with you and help you?" He asked.

"Lan Zhan, you don't accept my cultivation methods. I cannot cultivate properly anymore and I am not going to stop using demonic cultivation when it's kept me alive this long. I want to trust you but how can I when you never once trusted me?" I asked.

"I trust you, Wei Ying, and if that is the method you choose to use, I accept it. It was wrong of me to try to convince you otherwise when I didn't even consider to think about your reasons to use it. I need you in my life, Wei Ying. I want to help you in any way I can," he said.

I sighed, "I know you do, but the moment I set out, I will have a target on my back and every person I come across will want me dead."

"I will do everything in my power to make sure that you don't die," he said, "after seeing me take those whips do you think that little of me?"

"Of course not," I said, "you shouldn't do things like that again though. I'm not worth it."

"You are to me," he said.

I sighed, "how long have you actually been interested in me?" I asked, "I need to know."

"I'm not sure when it actually happened but I knew that you were important to me after our time in Xuanwu's cave. I had already written that song for you so I had my heart set on you. I think it was only after you went missing did I finally realize my feelings," he explained.

"Song?" I asked, "the one you sang for me? What is its name?"

"I told you its name already," he said.

"I didn't hear you then otherwise I would have remembered it," I replied.

"......Wangxian," he said, "the song is called Wangxian."

This man is going to be the death of me one day, "Wangxian? You named it with both of our names?" I asked.

"It didn't have a name at the time but when you asked me, it just seemed right," he said, "we have a lot of mending to do, but please don't push me away."

"Alright," I said, "is A'Yuan okay enough for visitors?"

"I can take you to see him if you want," he said, "his room is more private at the infirmary."

"I would like that," I said.