update.

@_vantae.writes | update //10

_vantae.writes updated adamant mellifluous beauty confession.

I have been away for far too long. Not because I've lost words to describe how ensnaring her existence is, but because I have been contemplating whether holding myself back means keeping our friendship safe or I am losing a chance to be more with her by staying what I am to her—a friend.

She deserves everything. That I know for sure. And I keep on asking myself if I am, in fact, deserving to even try giving her everything.

What if she wouldn't accept me?

What if everything will change?

What if I lose her?

Those questions lingers in my head like different voices trying to get me to listen. And I couldn't because the loudness is deafening.

Then I asked myself:

So what if she wouldn't accept you? She's not accountable with you liking her. It isn't an obligation to return someone's feelings, so is she with your feelings for her.

And so what if everything will change? Everything is supposed to change. Nothing will ever stay the same, we all know that.

What if I lose her? It would hurt. And that, I cannot help. Because loving comes with pain. That's the truth.

The friendship we have is something I will treasure—whether it will fall apart or stay through the years that will come. Whatever we had is just as uncertain as what I worry what would happen if I do bare myself to her.

I could stay where I am—hidden. I could let this feeling be forgotten with no one being aware that one moment in time, it existed and bloomed ever dazzlingly.

I could, but I guess, I just won't. Everything is uncertain and everything may pass, so as what I am trying to protect between us. But if time will no longer favor my hopes of being close to her, I will risk the possibility of losing her by pouring her every bit of my vulnerability and love instead of losing her like all other friendships that ended after a period of time.

I could stay close if heavens permit, but I could also lose her anytime even if I resist.

Now, I am choosing to not be how I am the past years:

A coward.

Whatever happens, she will still be the woman behind every word that I've written and every emotion that kept my life sweet, alive, and heavenly.

And so this is a confession, my Soya:
I am deeply, madly so into you. I am in so deep that even if I know I can do something to keep myself from drowning, I'll gladly give up every breath I can take to keep drowning in your deep-set eyes.

I have only ever loved you. And I still do.

©_vantae.writes
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a/n: we're close to the end.