Before we collide (ENGLISH VERSION)

5. Nora :P

I wanted to turn myself off. I didn't want to think anymore.

I spent the entire night in my mind, evaluating the situation, tossing and turning in my bed. I couldn't get to sleep or comfort, even in my own bed the words echoing in my head attacked me.

I thought about the times my psychologist told me not to overthink or get depressed in my bed, because otherwise my brain wouldn't be able to associate my bed with rest.

So I got up. I took my glasses and put them on my face, then I got out of my bed and went to the couch. It was too late, the living room was dark, but the lights of the city and the nearby buildings illuminated the room, along with that was the light from the October moon.

I was going to sit down until I get distracted by the night-time activity of the city. I stood in front of the large window of my apartment and decided to put my attention to the cars passing by with their lights on. I looked on the street lighting, and the buildings full of people sleeping, others working, doing home office. My sight turned towards the next apartments, I soon realized that there was a couple watching movies. Apparently, they were seeing a horror movie because the girl was clinging to her boyfriend and suddenly jumped a little out of fear.

I smiled.

I thought about how I had never experienced what it was like to have a partner. Or what it was like to kiss someone. Always too introverted to make friends. The only one who reached out to me was Grace in college.

I still remember the first time we met. I used to wear horrible glasses, but Grace didn't mind that. I smiled remembering that she had even helped me choose my new glasses, the ones I currently wear.

I thought about how much I liked meeting Ollie's friends too. And how much fun I had had with them. Then I thought about Charlie.

I came back to us lying on the grass. In the electrical impulses that ran through my back as soon as I felt her fingers trying to intertwine with mine.

My mind was quickly eclipsed by my father's gaze. I felt his disappointment through my thoughts. I couldn't think about Charlie anymore. At least not right now.

I soon leaned back on my couch and hugged the black cushions that matched it. I squeezed hard. I felt vulnerable.

I thought about calling Grace, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. But before I reached for my phone I stopped myself, I didn't want to ruin her vacation, I didn't want to overwhelm her with my thoughts. So I went back to my sofa and prayed with all my might to fall asleep so I wouldn't think about anything anymore.

—

Since I woke up I didn't think about what happened anymore. I didn't want to remember anything about the situation anymore, I just wanted to erase it from my mind and pretend it hadn't happened.

All right, I have to admit it, since the last dinner with my parents my mind had been quite overwhelmed. So, as a defense mechanism, my brain began to block out any thoughts of it, at least for the moment, while I managed to figure out what to do with myself.

The more I thought about my father's words, the more I wanted to turn off any neural connection to avoid the chain of thoughts that would follow one after another without end until I reached something that I had not yet discovered within me. That made me dizzy, I just wanted to avoid thinking. I just wanted some peace in my mind. After all, I deserved a moment of quiet. Plus, today was shopping day, that's right, the filling chapter in my amazing life.

After eating my favorite morning meal, which is actually the American breakfast, I took a shower to get out without fearing that I would give the impression of smelling like the comfort of my bed.