Doctor Annabelle (GxG)

Part 31

There was a knock on my door. I knew who it was because it was my lunchtime. I had hoped she would not show up but then again, it made me worry less when she showed up. Valentina was still my suicidal patient who needed me.

"Come in"

My door opened and Valentina walked in but another set of footsteps followed. They belonged to Angelina. When I woke up this morning, I expected police officers to budge in my house and arrest me but Angelina send me a text. I had nothing to worry about. A part of me wanted to go to prison just for a little vacation. To avoid my biggest mistake, Valentina.

"Dr Annabelle, I wanted to confirm my session with you" Angelina looked at me with this sad look in her eyes.

"Yes of course. You and Vera are up next" I spoke in a professional manner. If I never got personal with Valentina, everything would be perfect in my life. The events of the previous night reminded me that i needed to keep all my work relationships professional.

"Alright then see you" Angelina glanced at me then shook her head leaving my office. Valentina was standing by my window.

"Valentina, can we start?" I looked at her small figure. Her shoulders were slugged down and her face represented the tears she cried.

"Umm sure" she stepped forward then sat on the chair across from me.

"How are you doing?" I asked

"Uh..I.. I'm.." she looked down. I watched tears fall down her face. There was a few minutes of silence. Valentina looked up sadness and pain in her expression.

"I don't know. I feel everything and I can't name the emotions. I feel like I'm scattered around. Pieces of me don't even make sense and I don't know what to do Dr Annabelle. I have been trying to be positive. I am trying my best" Valentina sighed in defeat.

"But I don't even know what I'm trying for anymore. What's wrong with me? Everything is wrong with me yet I can't point out what is actually wrong so I don't know what I need to fix. I don't know myself anymore, I feel everywhere. Does that make sense? I know I have to take it a second by second but where am I going? I don't see a future for me" Tears poured down past her neck.

"I don't see myself in the future Dr Annabelle" she admitted removing the sweater she was wearing  then stood up. I watched Valentina remove the pants too. They were huge cuts and skin removed on her thighs, stomach and arms.

"I'm admitting that I hurt myself trying to feel something I could name. I know the consequences but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm tired and I can't keep holding it in. I'm so fucked up Dr Annabelle. I'm so fucked up"

This stage was where patients were most fragile. My patients admitted most things opening up to me when they were scared of themselves. I knew Valentina was feeling like ending it. I could see it in her eyes. Valentina no longer wanted to be here.

"Would you like to get some rest?" I asked softly

She nodded her head wiping away the tears. I stood up then took a syringe I mostly used on unstable patients who needed to be put to sleep. Valentina just watched me getting close then held out her arm. The cuts were raw and bloody. They looked fresh which meant she hurt herself no later than an hour before coming to my office. I could see she pulled her hair too. I pushed the needle in her skin then the liquid transferred to her body.

"I just wanna be saved" Valentina whispered falling in my arms. I carried her body out of my office to the upper floor where the nurses stay. They rushed forward helping me put Valentina on the bed.

"I put her to sleep. Clean the cuts and bandage them. She is not on medication so just a drip. Call me when she wakes up and if she is unstable don't do anything without my permission"