feels like - charles leclerc

22

I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover I'd felt in years. I rubbed my eyes and looked around and realized I was in fact in Sabrina's apartment and I had ended up sleeping on her couch. I was wearing nothing but a big t-shirt that luckily went down to about mid thigh on me.

I made my way to her kitchen where i found Shawn making breakfast for everyone.

"I didn't expect to see you here as well." I said trying to pat my messy hair down.

"Someone had to make sure you guys ended up home safely. Taking care of you three was a nightmare by the way."

"Us three?"

"Yeah, you, Sabrina, and Nailea."

"Oh yeah. Uh do you happen to know how i changed out of my dress? I don't remember getting home and um..." I said hesitantly. Yep the hangxiety was definitely hitting now.

"Oh no you guys all changed in Sabrina's room but you did demand on having a big shirt to sleep in so I gave you mine."

I immediately looked down at the shirt I was wearing and back to Shawn seeing he was wearing the zip up hoodie he had with him yesterday. Yeah this was definitely what he had worn the night before. My face burned red with embarrassment.

"You didn't have to do that I'm sorry I should've just asked Sabrina for one. I'll go find something now actually so you can have this back-" I responded while frantically trying to make my way to Sabrina's room.

"It's fine really you can keep it on, Sabrina's literally polly pocket sized I don't think she'll have a big shirt for you to use." He laughed.

By some miracle Nailea made her way into the kitchen hopefully saving me from this embarrassing encounter.

"Why are you wearing Shawn's shirt?"

————————

I made my way to the studio after getting home and showering. I invited Sabrina to come with me so she could help me finish a song that I had been having trouble with. It only needed a second verse and it would be finished but nothing seemed to work.

"So what is this one about, what's the story behind it?" Sabrina asked.

"This one is about still being in love with the person who left you. Wanting to hate them for the pain they caused to try and make the moving on process easier but not being able to no matter how hard you try. Here I'll sing we have done."

I walk over to my notebook and open it up to the song in question. It didn't have an official name yet but I had been calling it " i wish i hated you" .

"Hung all my clothes in the closet you made, Your shoes still in boxes I send them your way, hoping life brings you no new pain."

The lyrics to this song were so raw and so real to me. I had boxes and boxes of Charles' stuff in my apartment in Monaco that I had hired movers to take them over to his place. I wanted to be able to get back to Monaco in May and not feel haunted by everything around me. I also wanted to make sure he wouldn't have the need to contact me to get his things back. Seeing or hearing from Charles was something I didn't feel capable of at the moment but perhaps with time it would get easier. It's not like I wanted to find out anyways. It's not that I couldn't stand him anymore I just didn't want to relive the hurt he's caused me.

"I rearrange my memories I try to rewrite our life. But not matter how I try to. And no matter how I want to. And no matter how easy things could be if i did. And no matter how guilty I still feel saying it, I wish I hated you."

As I sang the rest of the chorus, Sabrina was writing this down and showing this to the producers who would nod their heads at whatever was on the paper.

"Okay so for the second verse why don't we show like how you see why things didn't work out now. Look like what about, our shadows dance in a parallel plane. When two things are parallel they don't share anything in common much like how your careers were too different."

"Okay and then since before in the first verse I brought up rewriting our life, how about showing how that could've ended in many different ways. Like " Plenty of endings, you learn to repair or I learn to keep me in one place,"."

"Let's change that a bit it doesnt flow the best but love that idea." One of our cowriters suggest.

"Um two different ending?" Sabrina says.

"Yes! Just two different endings, you learn to repair and I learn to keep me in one place. That fits well okay thank god." I say, feeling a bit of relief that the song was coming together.

"So let's give it to them like show him that it was obvious but you guys chose to ignore it out of love."

"So close and yet so far if only we had known from the start," I sang quietly.

"Yes yes yessss! That sounds amazing Lina." Sabrina said clapping with excitement.

We ran through the song a few times making sure everything flowed well and sounded well with the demo instrumental the team had made. We changed the instrumental a bit and all that was left was to record the vocals. We had decided that we had finished enough and we called it a day. Sabrina decided to stay over at my house tonight to be able to debrief the last 24 hours.