Nasaza

XXII

I felt the breath being choked out of my lungs as a wave of emotions flooded through my body, sending me into a full-blown panic.

The sun was in my eyes, only adding to the panic, and there was nothing I could do to control it. I didn't realize that my panic attacks took so long to calm down and suddenly, I felt like running and screaming and crying...anything to get rid of that terrible feeling inside...anything. Anything anything anything anything something the moon the clouds the stars the sun the flashlight-

It wasn't the sun. It never was the sun. The sun didn't come out from a blade of grass.

The sun was a motherfucking flashlight.

I let out a deep breath and finally closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly as I tried to block that god-awful image from my head. Every noise, even the sound of my own breathing, felt like it was piercing through my eardrum. Everything was loud, too loud. I scrambled away away away till the back of my head hit something with a dull thud.

My eyes jolted open as a surge of adrenaline ran through my body. That feeling in my head...it was starting to feel familiar...like I was on a road that I had travelled a million times before...which meant I should've been ready to expect what was to come next. Still, my eyes scanned the surrounding area, before I realized that I was pressed up against a wall...I turned my head around, only to realize I was also pressed up against him.

Aadesh's eyes were wide with fear, as he froze in place. My hands started shaking uncontrollably. This is it...it's really happening. He was holding that damned phone like it was his lifeline. The goddamned flashlight the light of his soul or shit.

I felt my heart beat in my chest at the pace of a train. The world fell into complete silence as my mind started to scramble...scramble for control of the situation...scramble to regain a level of normalcy...scramble to stay sane.

No air no air no air just breathe breathe breathe but you can't breathe there's not enough air there is not enough air on earth in the entire universe-

I tried to take a breath in but the air was completely absent. All that I felt in my lungs were pain...sharp, sudden pain. Damn it, it's happening.

So long, dear world. No thank you for this shitty life.

I tried to speak, to scream, to yell, but all I felt were the words choking in my throat.

"Dammit..." I barely got out.

He was looking at me. Looking at me at my worst and somehow somewhere this was the worst.

My breath hitched and my throat started choking. My body started shaking again, my legs turning stiff and rigid, my breathing becoming more and more shallow and short. My mouth opened and nothing came out even though I could feel a scream begging to break free.

Oh god...here we go again...why now? Couldn't at least...at least wait a little bit? Is it really necessary to happen now? Damn it, this sucks...this freaking sucks.

"Sans-Sanskriti. Here. Here look at me. Look at me, little devil." The universe the earth the only thing in existence the last thing I'll ever hear I'll want to hear was gripping my shoulders, pleading.

"W-what?" The words came out as a squeak. Why is the world suddenly spinning? Why is my head spinning? Why is everything spinning? Damn it...damn it's starting...please...just let me be okay...let it pass...

"I'm alive. You're alive. We're alive. We're not dying. I'm not dying. You're not dying. The air will come. Whew whew whew. The air will come like it just went on a forbidden vacation but it's your lover and it misses you it is coming back just accept it just let it in. You're alive. You're alive as long as my heart is beating. Your lullaby, remember?" I didn't want to feel anything except the dhak dhak dhak too slow too fast small thuds against my fingers on his wrist.