~'|Little miss Perfect||Shinomitsu||Kny|'~

🌸☆~'||'~Volume 7~'||'~☆🌸

🌸~'||'~Chapter 7~'||'~🌸
"Can't let her know.."
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⚠️🌸~'|--Warning--|'~🌸⚠️
This chapter contains...
Insecurities
Mental health issues
Small toxic friendship
Toxic friendship red flags
Bullying
Violence
Suicide mentions
Self harm
Terrible addiction
Bad Grammer
Terrible spelling
Side Ships
Lbgt
Lesbian
Mitsuri x Shinobu
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🌸~'||'~Shinobu's pov~'||'~🌸
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Those words played in my head for ages, it was like a drug I couldn't help but think about and take it over and over again. I wanna stop this obsession, like an obsession over drugs and alcohol, an obsession on the idea of being like my older sister, of being like a perfect daughter I was supposed to be. It's been over 5 months since I talked with Giyu, hung out with Mitsuri on that day. We always hang out still. I wish I never ran into Giyu that day! If he had kept his mouth shut! Hung out with his sister! Maybe go take to his damn peach haired boyfriend! Never existed! I wouldn't be stuck thinking about killing myself for even starting this obsession.

If I hadn't been born, none of this would have happen, I felt myself scratch myself endlessly, soon making my skin red and slowly bleed as my nails cut deep into my skin the longer and harder I scratched. I pulled in my hair as I fell into my bed, slowly sobbing and clinging onto my pillow. Would I ever stop this? I don't think so. Once you start an addiction, it sinks you in like an endless black hole, and you stuck in there forever. There is little chance on escaping, but you can only go so far until it decides to look for you and drag in back in, only becoming worser.

I looked at my ceiling, wondering if I would have ever been able to muster the courage to talk to someone, reach out, but I'm scared. When was I not scared? I was always weren't I? I was scared of being alone, but slowly I'm trapping myself. I been keeping a distance from Mitsuri as well, it's like she is starting to feel like I'm trying to avoid her for a bad reason. I wanna talk to her, I wanna tell someone, I wanna reach out and tell her the truth, to see if she relates in anyway. But what if she doesn't, what if I would never have been able to say anything? What if she thinks bad of me and never wants to see me again.

The truth was..

I fell in love with Mitsuri, and I can't lose her...

I never felt this way, back when I was younger I knew Giyu a little, I always thought I held feelings for him until he met Sabito and then left me behind, making me hate him, and push him away, making him feel small. I never wanted to hurt him, but I already have and I lost him for someone who treated him good. I can't let the same happen to Mitsuri, if I hurt her in anyway, Obanai might have a chance and she'll leave me forever and date him. I want someone to love me, for who I truly was under this skin, for someone I was supposed to be from the beginning.

But all they see is the skin my sister always wore, the mask she always put in, but it was permanent, mine I have to change and take off every single day. I can't help it, it's an addiction, and I can never end it. It's stuck with me for years and years and years. No matter what I do I will never escape what has been already there. I done it, there is no turning back. If only I said my true feelings, this would have never had happen. If I told Giyu the truth, I wonder how things would have ended, he would have helped me find out who I was.

I feel like it is now gifted and handed over to Mitsuri, to help me find myself, and now is the time, because I desperately need it. I desperately need it, like an undeniable hunger..

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The next day, I went to school as usual, but I was not in my normal mood, I couldn't put the mask on like usual, it kept slipping, like it no longer fits anymore. Kanao even seems to notice, but as usual, she never bothered to speak, not at all. She is slowly opening up, but not as much, I wonder what was on her mind. Mitsuri ran to me like any other day when I entered the classroom. "Hey...Kanao told you seemed a little blue, are you doing okay?"

"Well-"

"She's always pale, and gloomy, she always was. Draw no attention to it" I heard Giyu said and I shot a glare at him, he seems surprised like he never seen me do it in such a long time. "Oh well! I hope you feel better?" Mitsuri said nervously, and I tried my best to smile, but when she looked away, I dropped it. I sat at my desk and began unpacking my things for the day. I really was not feeling it today, I wonder what else was gonna happen today. Because I was not prepared for it.

Suddenly, I felt myself zoning out during the lesson. I never did, I never zone out, sure I think off topic but it's never a constant thing, why was this happening? How was this happening? I didn't understand. "Kocho? Question 3?" I stood up, grabbing my notebook. I didn't even get through number 1. Yet everyone was halfway done. How can I solve this problem? I skipped the tutorial on how to solve it. It looks simple but there is so many steps
So many words on the damn board. "Ms. Kocho!"

"I-I...I didn't finish...not number 1..."

"Unacceptable! We did number 1 together! See me after class..." All because I didn't pay attention? It was only for 1 day that I messed up.

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I ran out the room, after that bell rang for an constant minute for what it feels like. I couldn't meet the teachers eyes. "Shinobu! Is everything okay? You were supposed to-"

"Everything is fine Mitsuri... it's nothing to worry about.."

"But-"

"Let's go Mitsuri...Shinobu is clearly not in the mood..." I saw as Obanai grabbed her arm and dragged her away from the scene. It replayed in my head again. When I hurt Giyu and he walked away with someone else..a friend or not. It's happening again, but I didn't have to courage to do anything. What was going on? I didn't know...I didn't want to even think about it...it hurts to think about it honestly...

"Kocho, you seem to be gloomy again..."

"What do you want Giyu?"

"It's the fact you ask me that, but you also make the same comments to me every single day, with that fake ass smile. You seem frustrated when I asked you that, yet you play it cool...you see how I feel? How you made Mitsuri and Obanai feel?"

I lost it, I punched Giyu in the face but he dodged the second one. I kicked his stomach and he fell back, as the students crowded around him, Sabito running to his rescue. Giyu didn't bother to really fight back in self defense. It's like he didn't want to hurt me physically, but mentally. Because that's all I did, I never hurted him physically, I hurted hi mentally. The same is happening again, I can't help it though. Why did I ever say those things, why would I?"

"Shinobu... let's talk..."

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🌸~'||'~Thanks for reading~'||'~🌸
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Total words: 1295