All To Myself [one direction]

Chapter 7

My eyes rested on the dimples that appeared as Harry grinned wide at me. Then in a flash of a second, he jumped back on stage and didn’t look at me again. It was all very bizarre for me; eyes began turning in my direction, I heard whispers being exchanged and I knew I was becoming the centre of attention.

I remember noticing that the boys were looking at Harry mysteriously; Zayn, on the other hand, had a somewhat contemplating look in his eyes as he looked across to the other end of the stage. His jaw was tensed due to his clenched teeth and the darkness that he carried as he looked at Harry was very different to the one he used to look at me. It made me shudder before I plopped on my seat again.

I found myself breathing heavily as Monroe put an arm around me. My heart was beating incredibly fast and there was no way of controlling it. I heard One Direction muttering their goodbyes, but I never bothered to look at them. I heard the cries of the girls around me as they tried their last attempt to capture the boys’ attention, I heard the headmaster say his thanks, and I heard the door open. I was hearing all these sounds, but nothing was being registered in my head. Whitney came to squat in front of me, and I felt her lay a warm hand on my arm. I heard laboured footsteps around me as girls were running outside.

An engine soon echoed around the room, and more screams followed that. I wasn’t sure of what was happening. The fading sound of the engine could still be heard and soon my heart began to beat back to normal. I sighed loudly, and held my face in between my hands. Soothing voices were being aimed at me, but I ignored them all.

Why was I reacting in this way, I thought. Why was I the person Harry and Zayn sang to? I wasn’t anything special. I hadn’t at all put effort in my appearance to make them glance at me, like the other girls have. Secretly, I blamed Monroe for ever putting the thought of the boys noticing me in my head in the first place, she must have surely done something to create this. These sorts of things didn’t happen to the likes of me. I was the person who was always quiet, kept her opinion to herself. I didn’t deserve this. You deserve one of them, Dion. Monroe’s words sprung to mind, and I dug my nails in my hair in frustration. I wanted to rewind time and hide myself in a room somewhere so they would never even notice I existed. But I couldn’t.

I always got nervous whenever I eyes were on me. During oral presentations, I never lifted my eyes from the ground; I was a shy person, perhaps there wasn’t anything wrong with that but that day I hated myself for it. I knew that I had become the topic of conversation, and I despised it. I wasn’t one to gossip or talk about things, but my insecurities and paranoia weren’t helping to make things better. I felt more eyes around me as some of the people began making their way back to the hall. I heard more whispers being exchanged and that’s when I snapped my head upwards and brought my hands to rest on my lap.

“I want to go home.” I whispered quietly to Monroe, who was now hugging me tightly.

“Of course.” I knew Monroe understood everything -she was my best friend after all. She understood that the attention made me feel sick and all these faces around me -along with those hateful stares I was getting not only from Cher but from others as well- were making it nauseating and I just wanted to run away from all that.

Monroe along with Whitney and Carey helped me get to the headmaster. I ignored all talks about me as I neared the door he was standing next to. My friends must have told them of the situation or that I had become ill, I didn’t know but the headmaster gave me permission to go home regardless.

The sun was still shining brightly as they walked me to the exit and I couldn’t help but keep apologising for what had happened.

“Don’t be daft!” Whitney objected.