All To Myself [one direction]

Chapter 9

“I would love it if you came along too, Dion.”

The words took me aback. I was startled and my face showed it; I looked down avoiding Zayn's eyes completely. I must admit that I hadn't seen this coming, even though the signs were all there shining brightly in front of my face. Of course, I tried to tell myself otherwise, prayed they weren't true; but now that the words were out of his mouth, the realisation hit me and it scared me because I wasn't at all prepared for any of this.

"I really have to go." I replied hastily, fiddling with the handle to open the door. "Im sorry..." I mumbled apologetically, once I got out of the car. I felt my lungs tighten, and my breathing increase; I was so nervous of his words that the only solution pondering in my head was running away.

"Oh." I heard Zayn utter slightly saddened. "Wait!" He added as I was about to close the door, "I'm sorry if I seemed bald, or if I made you feel uncomfortable..." I slowly raised my eyes to look at him and I noticed the sadness on his face as he witnessed my discomforting reaction. "I really didn't mean it, at all."

"I know..." I swallowed as I fiddled with my fingers nervously, wanting no more than to leave. He truly didn't deserve this, I was being so silly but that's just the way I was and I frankly couldn't help it. I remember seeing the pain in his eyes as he got the reaction that he was most probably dreading the most.

Going to his show was just a step closer to him getting to know me, and I couldn't have that. I was happy alone, without a boy's attention on me. Besides, if I went that would mean seeing Harry Styles too. I shuddered as I remembered the way he held my chin and sang to me; the way my heart was beating out my chest. I had just turned seventeen, I needed to focus on my exams! Boys was something I really wasn't interested in at the moment.

"It's just that..." Zayn's words brought me back to reality again, "it would be nice to see your face in the crowd." He was smiling at me encouragingly, his eyes lighting up trying to fish a smile out of me.

I gasped sharply as I shook my head, the gesture performing on its own accord without having thought it through. I quickly met his eyes again as I realised how my actions must have looked to him, but Zayn had already looked away sadness invading his features again.

"I should go then." He muttered, resting his arms lazily on the wheel, before his focus turned to me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered before I shut the door, and turned on my heels running to my doorstep avoiding the rain that was still pouring - even though I was already soaking.

Turning away from him, made a feeling inside me burst into guilt. There really wasn't anything else I could do; this was all alien to me and I truthfully enjoyed the norm that I was already used to. It was the only thing I could do.

But as I stood there outside my door, hearing the wheels swerve against the pavement as he moved the car, I noticed he let the engine growl steadily as he waited in the middle of the road  expecting something. I, however, never turned around. I fondled around in my bag, trying to distract myself as I searched for the keys.

I felt so bad. I had never rejected any boy like that before; because to be fair, that's exactly what it was -rejection. I had never given Zayn an answer to attend the show, I simply ignored it and thought it more importantly to leave. The minute he waited in his car, felt like an eternity. I breathed aloud as I heard the engine slowly fade and have tranquility creep onto the street again.

I could tell Zayn was disappointed, but I must admit I felt a weight off my shoulders as he left. But I should also admit that, somewhere inside me, beside the feeling of guilt there was also a feeling of regret swimming in the pit of my stomach. However, as I thougth it through, I truly didn't regret anything of what I did - it was for his own good anyway. Zayn wouldn't want to deal with the likes of me; I wasn't special at all.