Chapter 14

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"I'm so sorry," I blurted as I met Zayn's burdened eyes. And before I even had time to stop it, tears began to stream down my face. All my worries and anger, and paranoia, and fear transferred in the dropets that were moistening my cheeks. I've held down so many of these emotions, that the bubble had finally burst.

I remember feeling so embarrassed to have Zayn put up with this vulnerable state I was in, and I quickly tried wiping the tears away. But, warm and firm hands stopped my fingers from reaching my cheek as he held them away.

"It's all right," he smiled, and tipped my head so I could look at him, "here," he leaned in so he could reach the pocket of his jacket and took out a packet of tissues. He began tapping my cheeks with it, absorbing the tears away, but I felt really abashed that he had to do that for me so I took the tissue from his hands.

"Thank you," I mumbled and looked down at the floor, as I wiped the tissue over my reddened cheeks.

"My pleasure," He grinned and as I looked up to see that gesture, it made me feel aweful.

I hated myself for acting in such a childish manner. I was seventeen years old, for goodness sakes. I hated knowing that perhaps this wasn't what Zayn expected from our date. I started overthinking the conversations he might tell his friends about me; that I was the freak who wouldn't let him touch me.

"I'm sorry this whole thing didn't go according to plan," I said once my tears ceased from falling, my voice croaked in mid sentence from all the crying, but Zayn didn't seem to mind. On the contrary, the edge of his lips twitched into a smile.

"What plan?" He responded and crooked an eyebrow in confusion.

"I dunno," I shrugged as I started babbling, "I'm not sure how dates are supposed to go, but I'm pretty sure this wasn't meant to happen."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it." He shook his head as he tried to convince me, "I, personally thought it quite special."

And just as he said that, I couldn't help but snort a laugh. My eyes widened as the sound was louder than intended and quickly looked at the ground to hide the awkwardness of my once again rude behaviour.

However, Zayn braved himself to wrap fingers around my chin and tilted my head upwards slowly. The contact sent goose bumps down my arms and chest and I sure as hell wanted to pull away, but my head fought against it.

"I think it's cute when you snort," He said and drooped his left eyelid into a wink.

My face felt like it was on fire and I pulled away instantly. Zayn raised both hands in apology and I bit my tongue knowing I acted rashly once again. But before I could dig myself a bigger hole, I began to make my way towards his black Audi. I heard heavy footsteps behind me as he ran to catch up with me.

Silently, he opened the door for me and sprinted to the other side before he got in. I felt so angry with myself that I thought it unecessary to talk anymore, so the journey was a quiet one. I noticed Zayn glance over to me as though he wanted to say something, but I'm not sure if my attitude prevented him to do so, I just know that he was forced to stay quiet too.

You wouldn't believe how sorry I felt for him. It was all my fault. That when we finally reached my front door -after what felt hours- I built up the courage to turn around, look deep into Zayn's dark eyes and mumble the following: "I'm sorry I was such a pain to you. You certainly didn't deserve it, and I hate myself for it." I raised a hand to stop Zayn from saying anything, and told him I hadn't quite finished, "I don't know what you saw in me, I really don't; but despite the turning of events I will remember our date. It was lovely to meet you Zayn, and I think you're a lovely person," by this point tears began to form in my eyes again, as the pain began to travel in my veins and divide into my entire body, feeling the weight of my actions at the tip of my fingertips. "I don't hate you, I don't hate any of you! I think you guys are really talented and I wish you the best in life, I really do...anyway, that's not the point. I just- I guess I just want to say thank you. You made me feel special, you did, and for that I am truly thankful."

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