The Milk Farm

Haunt me

   Cillian bit his pillow and clenched his fists tightly around the bars from his bed frame. Tears streamed down his face and onto the pillow, as he laid there face down with the lower part of his body raised off the bed. His upper body, along with his head touched the soft pillow while his butt cheeks were being parted by gloved hands. The Irishman closed his eyes and whimpered, feeling a pair of fingers examine his injured rectum. His bite clamped down tighter on his pillow "Owww...it hurts.." Liz took her fingers out and reached for a plastic speculum on a small tray that rested on the bed, right between Cillian's legs. "I know honey, I'm going to use a tool to get a better look okay?" The Irishman didn't respond but instead continued to cry into his pillow. Liz positioned the speculum, slowly opening it, dilating Cillian's rectum, revealing his pink injured insides. The Irishman couldn't help but let out a soft moan. Liz gently guided the speculum inside, stretching his opening and exposing the puckered ring of his sphincter. She adjusted the position of the tool, making sure she could see everything inside him. "Alright, all set. I'm just going to get my flashlight so I can see what's going on."

   Cillian felt a cool breeze as she moved away from the bed, and then a warm hand rested on his thigh. Liz pointed a small pen light at his dilated rectum, she caressed his leg gently, tracing her fingers up and down his inner thigh. The sensation was both unnerving and strangely comforting at the same time. After a few moments, she gave his testicles a gentle squeeze causing him to yelp. "Does that hurt?" The Irishman nodded, feeling his legs involuntarily tremble with any contact. Liz moved her face closer to CIllian's backside and stared into him, bug eyed. There were a few cuts and tears in his rectal cavity as well as an overall swollen appearance. She frowned and fought to hold back a few tears, then carefully closed and withdrew the speculum.

   Cillian let out a shuddering breath, his body relaxing with the removal of the cold instrument. Liz sat on the edge of the bed, her hand still on his thigh. "You can sit down now, get comfortable. I need to ask you a few questions." The Irishman gingerly laid down on his side and curled his knees towards his chest; scared and ashamed. He turned his head slightly, resting his cheek on the pillow. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. "Okay..." he managed to croak. Liz nodded and took a deep breath. "Alright, so here's what I'm going to do. I need to clean your wounds, and then 'll give you some antibiotics and pain medication." Cillian frowned and wiped his face then shuddered. "My...wounds?"

   The nurse nodded and reached for the Irishman's shoulder. "Yes, wounds. You have a lot of tearing inside your rectum, as well as a bit of swelling . It's quite common after..." Liz paused and casted her glance down in shame and sadness. "After sexual abuse." Cillian flinched at her words, feeling the hot tears sting his eyes again. He held onto his knees a lot tighter and whimpered earning an empathetic stare from Liz. "Cillian, who did this to you? Was it one of the orderlies?" Cillian hugged himself and closed his eyes trying to forget the horrific event. "Was it one of the other men?" The Irishman shook his head side to side feeling a heaviness in his chest. Liz squeezed his shoulder and braced herself for Cillian's response. "Was it...Till?" Liz studied the abused man's face when he suddenly he covered it with both palms and wept loudly. "NO!...no. It wasn't Till...he was trying to help me...he...tried to make the pain go away. Tried to spare me from it...but he couldn't spare me from all of it."

   Cillian sobbed uncontrollably as he recounted the story of his torment, and Liz held him tight, offering comfort and assurance. "It was Dr. Xanders...she tied me up...and she put both her fists back there. It hurt so bad. I screamed. I pleaded for her to stop but...she..." The nurse listened intently, her heart breaking for the man in her arms. She wiped away his tears and held his face in her hands. "Cillian, you don't have to say more, if you can't." The Irishman shook his head and fell apart in the young nurse's arms. "She hurt me so much...I peed from the pain. I was so dirty. I still smell like pee. I can't wash...off the gross smell." Cillian curled himself in the arms of the nurse.