𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆

ASTORIA

"How is he?" I pointed the question at the doctor who just exited Theo's room. I stood in front of the door until he checked him up.

He let out a sigh and looked at me with pity. He closed the folder with papers and tightened his hands on the strap of the bag he was holding.

"He has made an amazing progress with the physiotherapy but..." His words trailed off which made my heart sink into my stomach.

Something was wrong. It was evident on his face.

"But what?" I used my voice again and bit the inside of my cheek.

My heart beat increased and I almost felt my head spin.

"He might completely lose his hearing. On both ears. It's very likely to happen. I told him but you should also talk with him. It's not an easy thing to accept." He tapped my shoulder after I nodded and he walked past me, leaving me to stand by the door completely alone.

Tears started to flow down my face and I crouched down. My hands flew to my face and I rested my back on the wall.

He didn't deserve this. Now that he improved so much with his walking he was so happy and excited. The news have probably broke him.

He even mentioned that he was going to use a hearing aid. He said that he was going to try everything that was needed.

I bit my lip and placed a hand over my heart.

Why was this happening to him?

He didn't deserve any of it.

He was the most amazing person I have had the chance to meet. He was compassionate, kind and caring. He deserved every little good thing this world could give yet he suffered so much.

After couple of minutes, I wiped the my face and straightened up.

I fanned my face and took a deep breath.

In a matter of seconds I gathered myself and knocked on the door. He didn't answer but nevertheless, I grabbed the knob and opened it.

When I stepped in, my eyes searched for him.

He was in his wheelchair by the balcony. His face was turned away and he was watching through the window.

From here I was able to notice, his clenched jaw and his hands fisted. His knuckles were white.

"Theo..." I spoke but he remained silent.

I took few steps forward. He knew that I was here even despite the chance of not hearing me from that far.

I walked over to the chair that was close enough and sat down. I tried my best not to cry again. Seeing him like this was making my whole body ache.

I placed my palm over his hand but he didn't react.

"Theo." I said again and this time he lowered his head down. I watched tears escape his eyes but his face stayed expressionless.

He pulled his hand away from mine and my eyebrows furrowed.

"Everything will be fine. I'll be here for you Theo. The doctor said that it's a high possibility but you never know. He didn't said hundred percent..." Before I finished my sentence, he lifted his head again and his eyes bore into mine.

Eyes rimmed with her and filled with tears.

"Nothing's fine."

"Don't say that..."

"Say what? I'll loose my hearing Astoria. That doesn't sound like everything's alright to me." His voice was colder than usual. He never spoke to me with this tone.

"Can you leave? I want to be alone." He said.

My chin trembled.

"Please, don't do this..."

"This should have never happened like this. I knew better than to get my hopes up. This marriage was never meant to work since the beginning. I should have never gave into this. I knew it was not going to work."

"Of course things are working. I won't just give up because of this."

"Maybe you should. I'll..."

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

The tears from my eyes reached down to my lips and the salty taste absorbed in my mouth.

I hated that I couldn't do anything to make his pain go away.

"I'll sign the divorce papers. I don't want you living with this much burden."

My lips parted and I was hardly able to process what I was hearing.

"We are not divorcing and I won't be signing them." He was talking in the heat of the moment and he was not thinking straight. He was not speaking from his heart. These were empty words.

"You deserve better. I'll lose my hearing, there is no guarantee that I'll actually walk on my own without anyone's help. When I fell down you had to call someone for help. How are you supposed to live like that? You're gonna have to carry this burden, my burden, on your shoulders your whole life. I can give you what you deserve."

"I don't care what I deserve. I want you Theo, I don't care about anything else. It doesn't matter to me how much difficulties we will face. We'll do it together. Isn't that what wife and husband do? Go through everything together."

He stayed quiet, his eyes averted to his lap.

I stood up from the chair and ran my hands over my sweatpants.

I wiped under my eyes and cleared my throat.

"I'll leave you alone for a while. I'll go to the vacation cabin. You probably need space so I'll give it to you." I spoke louder in hope of him hearing me clearly because his eyes were not on me.

"I..."

The words got stuck in my throat but I tried my best to say them. He had to know how I felt about him. It was probably not the best way to say it, but I couldn't wait anymore.

"I love you. I want you to know that." I turned around and hurried to the door. I opened it and got out without saying anything else.

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