Unknown Beginning

Part 26

In class on Thursday and at practice, Riley and James continued to steal glances and occasional touches whenever they discreetly could. During Friday and Saturday's home games, Kristin never seemed to leave James' side which severely limited interactions between Riley and James. Even Kenny acted as an obstacle since the guys hockey team had away games this weekend and wouldn't be back until Saturday night. Not that Riley was complaining. She was psyched to have Kenny to herself Friday and Saturday. It even seemed Riley and Kenny would spend Saturday night together when the four third-years of the team, excluding James, announced they were having a party in their shared house off campus. After getting clearance from the captains, Gabriella, Lily, Caroline, and Abby invited the entire team to the party as long as everyone agreed to either come early to set up and organize or stay late/go over Sunday to clean up after the party. It was the first party since halloween that the whole team had been invited to and almost everyone was going. Knowing the prep would be easier than cleaning up, Riley and Kenny arrived early Saturday to help out. Riley had secretly hoped to see James before the party but luck was not on her side.

As the night wore on, more and more people showed up and as expected, more and more alcohol was being consumed. As usual, Riley wasn't drinking but instead of finding time to talk to James, she was carefully monitoring Kenny. Kenny, who was playing flip cup, then beer pong, then truth or dare. All the while drinking until she passed the point of tipsy and was planted firmly in the intoxicated category. Riley continued to watch as Kenny was dared by Caroline and Abby to kiss some random guy none of them knew. Which she awkwardly did and returned to the group giggling. Yet Riley didn't know Tyler had arrived to the party. Kenny, it seemed, did know this. She had seen Tyler come in and said hi but was determined to spend this weekend with her friends. She wasn't in a relationship after all and thought she should stop acting like it. Several times in the past few weeks she had felt tethered down by Tyler despite her plans to spend this year working on herself since she was single for the first time in four years. Further, she didn't always like how she felt when she was with Tyler. Smothered. Insecure. Pressured. Unstable. Which is why she hadn't seen any fault in playfully kissing that stranger on a dare. She had been clear with Tyler that he was free to do as he wished and she would as well since they were not in a committed relationship despite how much time they spent together and the intensity of their emotions.

But Tyler didn't see it that way and made that known to Kenny when he stormed up to her angrily and stated they were over and he never wanted to see her again. Shocked at his reaction, Kenny rushed to follow him but was intercepted by Riley asking where she was going. "I have to follow him," Kenny exclaimed.

"No you don't" Riley reassured firmly "He's not even your boyfriend!"

"I know but... you just don't get it" came Kenny's anguished response as she pushed past Riley. Riley knew she couldn't stop Kenny so she watched as Kenny raced, unsteady from the alcohol, after Tyler until she lost sight of her.

Riley didn't see Tyler berating Kenny. Accusing her, faulting her, guilting her. Kenny tried to explain but was met with rebuttals, exclamations of betrayal, and refusals to listen. The argument only ended when Kenny had sunk to her knees at Tyler's feet sobbing and practically begging for forgiveness while he sat coldly at the edge of his bed. All efforts of growth, strength, and independence lost. Tyler's superiority finally relinquished when Kenny said she would make their relationship official and that she only wanted Tyler.

Riley didn't see any of that and Kenny wasn't going to tell her. Kenny couldn't tell Riley about it when she couldn't even face the shame herself. To add insult to injury, it was only in passing later the next day that Tyler casually mentioned that he had made out with someone at the party. Not just any someone, actually. He had made out with Lindsay, the same girl he had cheated on his ex with at least two separate times. But Kenny wasn't allowed to hold Tyler accountable for withholding this information. Tyler claimed Kenny had kissed someone first so he didn't see any reason to tell her last night therefore he could not be blamed. It wasn't his fault and as a result, Kenny had no place to direct or express her feelings. She wasn't upset he had kissed someone else, it was that she felt misled and manipulated that he had not disclosed this information. She couldn't even fully process why the situation felt so wrong. She didn't have the words for it. Didn't fully understand the depths of how everything had played out. All she knew was that her shame and guilt from the night before now coalesced with insecurity and confusion.